addiction
The realities of addition; the truth about living under, above and beyond the influence of drugs and alcohol.
I will be hiding behind the Fire Station
I will be hiding behind the Fire Station. These are the last words I spoke that I can clearly remember before I actually hid. I hate even thinking about saying those words. I hate thinking about the moments that led up to and followed those words. So, let me rewind to get you to this point so you can clearly understand this situation.
By Denise Harris5 years ago in Psyche
Eclipsed
August 21, 2017. A partial solar eclipse, a part of the sun seeming to have disappeared only to leave a black void. August 24, 2017. Another soul gone too soon. This one a freak motorcycle accident. Steve, the barber, who was just getting excited about recovery, excited for his daily meetings, attending and being a positive member of his small group and a way to ply his trade and make money; his motorcycle. Quick, easy and cheap transportation. The final piece had just been procured. He bought a new battery and he was ambulatory at long last. He didn't have a license but he did need to work. It was late August and everyone wanted their hair cut or colored.
By James S. Carr5 years ago in Psyche
Drug Psychosis
I was working fulltime as a registered nurse & midwife, while hiding my dark secret of the use of the illicit substance known as methamphetamine. I was injecting before attending work, it would make me feel enabled to perform my work easily. I was doing it for a year now, my workload was easy to handle. My ability to perform professional at work while under the influence diminished when I had the realisation I had a drug problem I could not control. Hiding the guilt & shame I felt for myself was becoming harder & the ability to compose myself lacked. The increasing worry I had of being exposed as a drug user overwhelmed me, the more I thought about it the more paranoid I became. There was an instance in my garage at home sitting with fellow drug users, I heard my work colleges voices attacking my friends with the dangers & legality of consuming methamphetamine, it was like they had tagged along in my headspace waiting for the opportunity to inform the users of their professional guidance. It was a war of rights to choose ones lifestyle without prejudice. I became increasingly unconfident I could hide my drug use any longer, how could they not know they were in the medical profession, they have the ability to observe ones deterioration in presentation. I arrived late, missed shifts & cried at work, found it harder to cope with my workload & lost time management skills. I observed the look of concern on their faces. there was an instance of skills compliance where I felt tested if I was performing duties correctly. I could hear their thoughts they were negative towards me & they didnt want me to be apart of the multidisciplinary team because I was under the influence of methamphetamine, they lost confidence in my ability, by this time I was using during my shift trying to gain power from this supposedly powerful drug. It was making me more paranoid they would be aware. The anxieties I felt were intense it was like everyone was observing me isolating me out. It was like the multidisciplinary team were talking about me & doing a case study on my performance, there was an increase in psychiatrists on the ward with feelings of them wanting to discuss my use with them. One day I was crying uncontrollably in the toilet and the manager would not answer my call & I heard her say to another team member I am not going in there to get her. I failed their expectations & they were not happy with me. I only became aware of this after admitting to myself I was unprofessional & should not be injecting prior to & during work. My guilt & shame started the lack of confidence in my work. I remember walking through the doorway to my workplace & the voices above my head said not today Tamika we are coming in with you, thats when I thought patients were doubting my ability to care for them, I even lost the confidence to greet them in a positive way, it was like they thought I should be the patient. I had one patient guiding me in the care I carried out for her, it was that moment my heart broke, I could not perform the job I loved. The hold methamphetamine had over me was too hard to conquer, it had me choosing the easy road of staying on the drug to get my rush I craved, I chose selfish pleasure over my life.
By Tamika Muir5 years ago in Psyche
My Amazon Addiction
Since this pandemic started I've been in a very bad headspace mentally. I was laid off, I had to move back in with my parents, I had 2 children to take care of, another one on the way, and as of late I have been diagnosed with Post Partum Depression. So what have I done to try to combat the ever-growing sadness, anger, and pain within myself? That's correct. SHOPPING. Now I haven't been going store to store shopping in store or online just buying anything that catches my eye. Just the one stop shop for my any and everyday wants and needs. AMAZON!!!!!!!! Now yes at this moment and since 2 months ago I have definitely calmed down and have gained some self control, but I wanted to share with you all how it gotten so out of control it became an issue. At first I was buying new baby clothes, a new rocker, a new crib, and other such baby materials. Then the guilt came, my older children weren't going the get the same attention they're used to, they'll feel like I don't love them anymore, they may believe they aren't special anymore, and because of that I decided to buy them both special gifts. My oldest I bought a kids digital camera and a big play salon set and my then youngest a Barbie Fashionista doll, and a Disney Princess grown up phone, credit cards, and car key toy set and then to share I bought them a Disney Princess pretend curio coffee,(or as I tell them Hot Chocolate), machine. Their little faces lit up when they saw what was in those boxes. I felt so happy to give them something they really enjoyed. Then I had this feeling I needed to buy something for my parents for letting me stay with them, just to show how much I appreciated the sacrifice they made for their freedom. So I went back to my favorite place and got them both, beautiful, different colored, coffee or tea cups. They are made from Glass, sculpted 3D designs on them both, and they just look so amazing in person. I honestly couldn't help myself, I knew how much they enjoyed their tea and/or coffee time and by their first impressions of them, they were. Then I got myself a new pair of really nice fuzzy socks. But that's how it all began.
By Rayana S. Walker5 years ago in Psyche
Drug Psychosis
I had been smoking meth for a year, I found it hard to maintain my habit now that I finally kicked out my drug dealer boyfriend. One of my new supply resources suggested I injected it, showed me how & gave me my first shot. The rush of the meth hitting my heart was euphoric, the feeling of being energised, happy & satisfied was enough to keep me addicted to the powerful mind drug meth for over 3 years now. I rarely get the rush or energised feeling anymore, but it stabilises my mood & completes me, I need to feed my addiction or it attacks me through my mind & physically disables me. I have been trying to quit for over a year now, meth has the power over me to arrive when least expected. The powerful mind drug has opened my minds energy to manifest meth in my life, it has grabbed onto me & makes it intolerable to go without. I am weak in my battle against meth & find it hard to find the way away from it. I experienced an evolving psychosis which developed into skitzophrenia. I have been lucky enough to travel this magical brain created imagination, hallucination & delusional journey. A fortnightly injection of an antipsychotic medication inhibits my psychosis characteristics, leaving me with a clear & logical mind. Its hard for me to believe that what I lived through is not actually real. I believe in telepathy, spiritual guides, aliens, various gods, naturally occuring signs, mind readers, spirits, angels & devils, possession, gaslighting, self awareness, the third eye, government trials, science discovery, channeling, souls & conscious levels most of these beliefs could actually have some involvement in the occurences endured. The beginning is hard to determine, but one of the first instances involved a huge shadowed object in the sky, which I waved to & expressed I wasnt ready yet. Another was a couple of ladies voices communicating they could help me after I begged for help to overcome my addiction, a foreign group arrived through my media & electrical appliances concerning financial issues, a white light increasingly got closer to me & when entered me another couple entered my voice library, buzzing, machinery, animal communication, instruments & weather sounds increased. Observations of drones, cloud shapes, shadow people & symbols, entities, energies, animals, projections & body language of family & friends, increasingly kept my mind yearning for more stimulation. Sensations of feeling accompanied, observed, touched, squeezed, heated, cooled, lifted, entered & altered were incredibley comforting & enthralling. With all three senses open to fully invite stimuli, I experience amazingly wonderful powerful happenings which become draining on my functioning self. I asked the universe to take control of my life & I was given the gift of a dimensional kaelidiscope & my creativity & imagination opened up. I have had countless memorable moments which astound me, if only I could live in both worlds simultaneously without the control of the voices. I would feel myself lucky. grateful & happy. My mind has been opened to another realm & find it unsatisfying to not experience the phennonenom.
By Tamika Muir5 years ago in Psyche
I Remember
“Hello my love” was how I greeted her every single time. Every single malt scotch placed before me. The fellow drinkers at my sides, whether they were my fellows or not, I could feel their glances, their gazes and stares as I said the words. As if I was crazy. I didn’t have many fellows left in my life, so perhaps I was crazy. Crazy for the drink I was. She was crazy for me, too.
By Jordan Gabriel Clark5 years ago in Psyche
Symptoms of Clonazepam Withdrawal
Symptoms of Clonazepam withdrawal can be a big problem when a person is trying to quit using this drug. While there are many people who have found success in quitting and not having to deal with any of the effects of withdrawal, there are others that have tried to quit and ended up feeling more sick than ever before.
By Justin Griffith5 years ago in Psyche
