bipolar
Bipolar disorder; understanding the highs, the lows and the in between.
Bipolar?
Well, here we are...I'll be thirty-seven in about a month, and as I sit here thinking of my life and my recent diagnosis I realize my whole life has been leading up to this point. A handful of pills, perhaps more to come, a lifetime of therapy in my future which I had succumbed to already, tracking my moods, learning my triggers, and watching my sleeping and eating patterns to be sure that I take care of myself properly. Some days I have to force myself to get out of bed because I simply want to melt into the bed and disappear. However, when you're a mother you don't get that option. I also know that I must force myself to get up, keep moving, make plans, and set goals or I will fall into that inevitable dark hole again. The dark hole I have clawed my way out of countless times, the hole that seems so comforting in ways but I also have the sense to know that it would end me. I know that as easy as it sounds to give in and give up; that darkness is not my friend and it will tear me apart limb by limb and piece by piece if I allow it to. My mental health is something I have struggled with since adolescence. You could blame it on childhood trauma, family history, or just a bad draw of the cards but it is something I live with every day. I've always felt that my brain was out to get me; perhaps, even trying to kill me. It has always felt like my brain is in a hurricane and the rest of my body is this crazy weatherman thinking she can somehow tame the storm like Jesus and that's what I've been trying to do my entire life, tame the storm. I beg, I cry, I pled, I pray, I hit my knees in desperation and sometimes yes, there is a relief but it is usually temporary. The storm always comes back. There are glimpses in my life where I am happy. There are things and people in my life that make me happy. There are things I'm passionate about such as writing for example and spreading awareness. Sometimes I get excited almost giddy about life and I make all these plans that I think will improve my life or make me happy. I try to cling to these plans when the darkness comes back. I cling to them as if they are my only lifeline. My only rope as I hang off the cliff of life. One day, I'll buy an RV and a Jeep, live in the mountains, or maybe travel all over the U.S.. I think a hot tub will make me happier so I might buy that, I think getting back with my ex will make me happy so I pursue him even though that is not a good idea, I think I need something and why should I deny myself of this happiness so I buy it or pursue it. I'll be fine for a little while, months even and then I get restless. I can't explain it other than to say that it's like an itch deep inside and suddenly I'm not fully happy and content with life and I need something to change. I need a change of scenery, an adventure, something...anything. The thing is though that nothing I do ever lasts to satisfy that itch. So yes, my moods are up and down and to be honest, I never know what I'm going to feel when I wake up. It's a surprise every day even for me. Why does having mental illness have such a stigma? I can't help this; can't control it. I didn't ask for it. I certainly don't want this storm in my mind but I'm learning more and more about myself every year. This year, just a couple of days ago, a psychiatrist told me that she thought I may have bipolar disorder type II. She told me to research it and form my own opinion and the more testimonials I look up the more the piece seems to fit into this complicated puzzle that is my brain. So, there it is. I have bipolar type II. Maybe now I can get some answers to how my brain truly functions and why it does what it does. That's truly all I've ever wanted... answers.
By Lindsey Altom2 years ago in Psyche
Life with Bipolar Disorder, NPD, and PTSD. Content Warning.
Living with Bipolar Disorder (BPD) is an emotional rollercoaster. My moods swing from the dizzying heights of mania to the suffocating depths of depression, often without warning. Adding to this, both my husband Nick and I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which brings its own set of challenges. Being married to Nick, who also has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), feels like navigating a minefield while blindfolded.
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When The Pain Is Unescapable . Content Warning.
The journey in trying to move forward from the pain of the darkness hasn't been easy. I'm in love with the south how easy it is here. I don't want to recall my terrible memories; don't want to be remember them.I just want to wash my hands of the past, so I can flourish in the light. The hurt I experienced for one year. I just want to reinvent myself. What no one understands I don't want to be reminded. I say, I don't want to be reminded, yet this is wrong respected.
By Emily Curry (Rising Phoenix)2 years ago in Psyche
5 reasons why people lie
The Tangled Web: 5 Reasons Why We Lie Lies. They weave through our lives, from playful white lies to elaborate deceptions. While honesty is often touted as the best policy, the truth is, humans lie for a complex web of reasons. Here are five prominent reasons why we might stray from the truth:
By Moharif Yulianto2 years ago in Psyche
Finding Balance in the Chaos of Bipolar Disorder . AI-Generated.
In the summer of 2013, I found myself standing on the edge of a brink, both literally and figuratively. Life post-bipolar breakdown had become a series of daunting challenges, and the contemplation of suicide was a shadow that loomed large over every moment. But let me take you back to where it all began.
By Joshua Feinberg2 years ago in Psyche
How Society’s Wrong Views on Bipolar Affect the Afflicted
You know, there’s a rather interesting thing that happens when society starts whispering and those whispers turn into conversations about what’s normal and what’s not. If you’re like me and you have bipolar disorder, you might start believing some of those whispers yourself. It’s called self-stigma, and it’s created by absorbing all the misinformation that people with bipolar are dangerous or somehow deeply disturbed. There have been days when I’ve said to myself, “Maybe they’re right about me.”
By Joshua Feinberg2 years ago in Psyche
Symptoms of Trypophobia
Trypophobia, the fear of clusters of small holes or bumps, can trigger a cascade of unpleasant emotions and physical reactions. While the exact cause of this phobia remains elusive, understanding its symptoms can help those who experience it and those who want to support them.
By Moharif Yulianto2 years ago in Psyche
