depression
It is not just a matter of feeling sad; discover an honest view of the mental, emotional and physical toll of clinical depression.
Mental Illness
I starting writing as a way to express myself and to get things out of my head. I write a lot to cope with depression. I have what they call mixed bi-polar. I am on meds for it. Seroquel is my friend, when I can take it. I say when cause when I take it I feel great I feel like me again, But I have a child that is learning to sleep, so I was off my meds for about three weeks. Those three weeks were crazy. I cycle moods quickly a lot of times. When in depression I don't care what I look like at all, I barely will brush my hair or do my make-up. I can't get off the couch, unless I have to. I won't want to do anything in all honestly I just want to sleep. My house will not be up to code with even myself and this causes problems when I cycle out of depressed mood cause it cause aniexty issues and feeling of overwhelming. I will think I am not good enough for anyone in my life, and I will be withdrawled from people and things I normally would enjoy.
By Ashley Starkey5 years ago in Psyche
The Unbearable Year
One year ago today, March 12th, 2020, I woke up like any other day. My lady and I were up early for work. We drove the 10 miles into town. I dropped her off at her job and went into my work. The day was easy, ad changes. I sat down with several department managers at the grocery store I worked at and made adjustments to the ad flier and products according to their needs. The ad group puts the flier together for us. We tweak it to fit the store better.
By Frank Shaw5 years ago in Psyche
The Mean Reds
Lets face it, I know the first thing that comes to mind when a female makes the comment, "mean reds." If you are a guy (even a woman), you automatically jump to the conclusion that she has her monthly visit from mother nature where her body is slightly “out-of-whack” and emotions are running wild. For one, seriously…just going through that sucks and having it used against you just heightens those rocky/emotional grounds. In all honesty, it’s always quick to blame that very awkward and annoying time of month. But that’s not what I’m talking about.
By Jackie Fazekas5 years ago in Psyche
When Your Child Suffers From Depression
Depression. epressi It’s such a horrible word. Not just a horrible word but a horrible affliction. If you have ever found yourself in epression’s clutches, you know the feeling of hopelessness you experience. The fear that you will never escape it. The feeling of being lost. The feeling that the world has gone dark and there are boogeymen around every corner waiting to jump out at you.
By Treva Rawlins5 years ago in Psyche
Hiding in Plain Sight
In 2019 I heard words from my doctor I didn't expect. "You have been dealing with chronic depression your whole life." I looked at him with skepticism and replied, "I can't be chronically depressed. I get up every day and I go to work and do what I have to do, and I'm not depressed all the time." Fortunately, I have a wonderful doctor who I can trust to always be honest with me. Hearing those words was a shock; but as they sunk in, it was the beginning of understanding myself in a new and liberating way. I learned that I suffer from a form of depression called "High functioning chronic depression." It is one of the hardest to diagnose because the sufferer has the ability to function on a daily basis, while hiding the non-stop internal struggle to remain productive. We can have periods of high productivity also. But the difference is; we may be in emotional agony at the same time. Childhood trauma and abuse exacerbate any type of mental illness and I am one of those survivors. The feeling of emotional isolation and the judgement of others is the most painful aspect for me. The smarter and more talented the sufferer is; the harder it can be to recognize. Those who suffer from this are most often exceptionally perceptive of everything around us and ultra-sensitive to the feelings of others. We are often able to see the big picture when others can't. That knowledge can be an overwhelming burden to carry. "You are so smart and talented. Why aren't you famous? Why haven't you done more? Why are you doing a job that is so unworthy if your abilities?" I have grown used to hearing comments like this from others and I ask myself these questions when I am at my lowest. I never had an answer. Comments like that have added to my pain and the guilt I have carried my whole life for not accomplishing so much more. There is a non-stop inner dialogue that the HFCD sufferer experiences that is a heavy burden to carry. We suffer from an unusually high fear of failure, even though we are typically highly talented and intelligent. We overthink everything often causing us to just give up on a project or an idea. This form of depression is exacerbated if other conditions exist such as ADD/ADHD/OCD or any other challenging personality condition. I am ADD/ADHD combo with HFCD. I spent the first forty-eight years of my life not having any answers for the failures, the lost opportunities and the emotional agony of just trying to survive, meet my responsibilities and find some happiness in my life. At 48, I was fully tested for ADD/ADHD. That was when I began to understand myself in a way that finally allowed me to accomplish things I would have never thought possible. I completed 2 college degrees in 5 years, raised my son as a single mother and saw him successfully complete high school, college and achieve independence as a responsible, loving, and exceptionally talented man. And yet, there are still days when I do not see all the good I have done; I only see what I haven't done. "Fitting in" is perhaps the most painful aspect of HFCD. We make up about 1.5-2% of Americans who suffer from chronic depression. "I can hide my depression so well that people around me have no idea what I’m dealing with unless I clue them in. What I wish everyone realized is that allowing yourself to reach out for help is half the battle. The other half is continuing to help yourself because depression can always be there waiting to trick you with these awful, untrue thoughts like: ‘You’re worthless,’ ‘You’re no good,’ ‘No one cares.’” Sherry Amatenstein, Psycom, online article)! This adds an additional challenge. Since fewer people can relate, the feelings of isolation are often intensified. I have been fortunate to have a small circle of friends who love me and give me the pep talks I need and the emotional support I need when I become overwhelmed. They may not completely understand what I feel; but they CAN see what I can't and won't let me fall. Even with that support; there are still days I struggle to remain positive and not fall apart. The world situation is adding an immense weight to the burden I normally carry. It has been SO much harder to fight depression and anxiety for me during the last few years. As a woman, I am still experiencing menopause symptoms while coping with all of this. Sometimes I just have to keep reminding myself of how much I am experiencing so I can stop being so hard on myself. I have always hated labels. I've never wanted to be put in a "category". I am beginning to understand that all of these "labels" are just starting points to help me understand, accept and love myself. We are all complex and unique individuals. I just want to be happy and keep becoming the best person I can be. I don't want to be mentally and emotionally imprisoned in this cycle of endless struggle, guilt and disappointment in myself anymore. Life is a journey of self-discovery that never ends. I just want the journey to be less painful. I want to believe in myself and be the person I was meant to be. I hope my words will help other HFCD sufferers find hope and purpose. Leslie Perkel
By Leslie Perkel5 years ago in Psyche
I'm Alive
I woke up and chose to feel alive today. For so long I have been comfortable in the shadows that have been cast by my mental instability. Those shadows became my home, and I quickly felt solace while shrouded in their void. As I lived in the shadows, parts of me started to numb and melt away, a complete thaw of a freezer filled with emotions and basic human wants and needs.
By Nightingale Silva5 years ago in Psyche
Sharing Memes is a Quick, Easy Way to Help Boost the Moods of Depressed People
Lately, I've been on a meme-sharing rampage. All my socials have caught on and are flooding me with memes. They connect with what I'm experiencing individually, but also with what we are all experiencing on a national, even global scale: the pandemic, the isolation, the social unrest, Bernie's amazing gloves.
By Erica Ball5 years ago in Psyche
