recovery
Your illness does not define you. It's your resolve to recover that does.
A Secret I Have Kept
It felt like I was in a dream. I pulled my new-to-me iPhone 4S out of my pocket to capture the moment so that later I’d know for sure it was real. I kept the flash off, using the stage lights only and angling my phone just so in order to avoid the glare. I guess all those years getting a Fine Arts degree weren’t completely for naught. My heart felt so full I didn’t know whether to laugh, smile, or cry. An hour before, I’d been part of the VIP lineup to meet and take a photograph with the band, my mother’s words echoing in my ears. “You get a hug from him, don’t leave without it.” When my turn came to meet them, I squeaked out my request - twice, since he didn’t hear me the first time. He laughed, told me I was cute, and gave me a hug. I tried not to smile like an idiot for the photo, knowing this moment would take at least a week for me to fully process.
By Postit Fox6 years ago in Psyche
My Path to Body Positivity
I've always had a rough relationship with my body image. Most people say I am beautiful. I have compliments on my long legs, that I have a nice butt in my jeans without it being said in a vulgar context, that I have a nice figure. But that still effects me when I am all by myself and I have to look at my figure in the mirror or when I sit down and I can feel my stomach pressing against my arms. It's different when the positive affirmation from a friend's point of view can't really help me when it's my own body. It's like the generic saying goes, "You never know what someone's going through until you've walked a mile in their shoes". I've tried to explain that it's a sweet sentiment but it doesn't change how I think. In return, my answer is dismissed and I'm cut off with more "positive affirmation" that I don't know what I'm talking about, that I have to stop being negative. I would try to explain to another person that I'm not trying to be negative, I'm trying to explain why I can't accept that positive remark because I hate my own body and I can barely look at it half the time. That's the way I thought several years ago.
By Samantha Parrish6 years ago in Psyche
The journey so far...
Hi, I’m Jennie. Thanks for joining me on my mental health journey. As others who suffer from mental illness will know, this kind of journey is full of ups and downs, twists and turns – but things will always get better and we’ll see some light again, even if only in short spells.
By Jennie Rose6 years ago in Psyche
Bulimia nervosa and binge-eating disorders treatments.
Bulimia or binge-eating disorders are a serious condition that can affect someone for a very long time. It can affect anyone from any age or any gender and from any background. People who suffer from this disorder eat large volumes of food. Bulimia sufferers then try to compensate for binging by taking laxatives, diuretics or vomiting.
By Melissa Richards6 years ago in Psyche
I survived, for now
Not sure how to do this. Just saw this site, and I got a little excited and thought I’d see if anyone would even hear me. Im Kayla. I’m 24. I have GAD, PTSD, and panic disorder. My life has me a little messed up, but I’m still here!, just holding on by a string., everyday is a struggle for me. I’m gonna start with a summary of some of my life and and i can get into more stuff next time, in hope That people want to know more. My life has been nothing but trauma since literally the day I was born. Born in BullHead, Arizona. I was a premature baby, was born addicted to meth, & I wasn’t breathing for the first thirteen minutes, and had to be flown to another hospital. And that’s the only Information I have from my birth. So sad because I don’t have any other information. My birth parents were very abusive and very much hooked on drugs, in and out of jail, Dad was an alcoholic, mom was addicted to meth, all of us were homeless, staying in a car to random people’s houses or trailors. I lived with them till I was 5 or 6. I had a sister at least, a year and half older than me, and she took care of me when our parents weren’t. Which was all the time and I would have died if I didn’t have my sister. Our dad tried to suffocate several times. He would chock us and also put a pillow over my face. And they would beat the crap of me and my sister, very often, with anything they could find. From being choked to almost death, to our mom pouring boiling hot soup on our heads, to all the unheard of abuse in between. Last day I saw my birth parents, me and my sister were walking home from school and we saw hella cops, an ambulance, fire truck, and then we see my mom coming out in handcuffs so I ran so fast to her because I knew she was getting taken because they were always taking her away from me. But a cop snatched me and my sister right up and put us in the cop car. And our dad got us out of the car and took us to his friends house and our grandparents came and got us the next day and took us down south with them,to find somewhere else to live. So what happened was my mom stabbed our roommate in the back with a very large knife , all because the girl wouldn’t give my parents more time to pay rent. And my mom was extremely high. So she tried to kill the girl. Her name was Bobby. I really wonder if she ever lived 😔 one of the many questions I have about my life. Last day I saw them. So our grandparents had us, but wanted nothing to do with us really. But she had to figure out something. So my one sister went to our aunts house, my other two sisters stayed with my grandparents,... while they sent me to live with strangers . They chose me to move around, because I was “extremely well behaved, never complains, the best kid, etc”. I got put with families because I went with the flow and adjusted to my environments very well and did anything I was told...then another family, then another, all abuse nightmares, then to foster care. Which I wanna tell in another story, next time I write a story, if this even gets read?. All of them, the home’s I lived in when I was younger, were abuse stories that have so much to them and could really help someone & I just pray this gets read:I just wanna be heard for the first time in my life. And I wanna help someone. I want to be to someone what I needed growing up that I didn’t get. Which is love and acceptance, and a friend, a family, support, a safe place to go, all that. In life.. i just wanna help people. It’s the only thing that gives me happiness and peace., the only thing, making others happy. All I wanna do in life. I have a lot more I want to share. Feels like I could go on and on, but I don’t wanna waste anyone’s time. Hopefully I get some feedback. I’m here for you!! -to whoever needs to hear that! I’m here to help. Just wanna love people. It’s nice getting some things out. Thankful. And just thanks for reading if you did, seriously... thank you 🙏
By Kayla Stejskal6 years ago in Psyche
The arduous but sweet journey.
So it all started with a bit of curiosity that me as a good kid began following through my instincts in something I could not ignore. I found a love that I knew I couldn’t pass up. I was in high school with my mind geared towards a bunch of political and historical interests. In a time where history was being made it was hard for me to keep my feet on the ground. I was growing up with two siblings (one brother and one sister) in a 3 bedroom house. I carried throughout my days with what I could say was a very active mind. You could imagine late nights with hardly any sleep to carry myself with the next day. I remember it took me hours in the morning to wake up before I was fully awake. A funny habit I kept through my high school years that I found later to actually be taking adverse effects on my grades and body altogether. I was a quirky individual who liked to dress to impress. I had braces and as you could imagine and was very prone to falling into different scenes. I was a dancer who took to nightclubs and parties to show off my moves. The realities around me slowly began colliding and as you know I began experimenting with drugs as a young teenager.Not the healthiest choice but the funny thing about is that I always told myself I would never fall to this type of negativity. But my thoughts then were somewhere along the lines of; hey what do I got to lose? Except a few brain cells. But anyways the point is that I myself could not believe that I somehow fell into these drugs that were pretty mad now that I think of it. I was taking MDMA/ecstasy about every month with major events. As a side note I always kept the strange truth floating in my head that MDMA was the first drug I ever tried and it being one of the strongest too. (Talk about a leap into the deep, BIG.) Carrying on, I was big into the EDM scene. I had caught a fever for the music and dancing altogether. Along with it the drugs followed. I and my friends had gathered a group of dancers who surprisingly became internet famous through our dancing aka shuffling. That was rare back then and boy was I happy to know we had caught steam. Our videos were gathering thousands of subscribers and even more viewers from all over. But the beautiful thing about it was the fame itself opened my eyes to what was truly happening. In my heart I knew I had to be responsible about what was taking place. It was drugs, music, and a whole lot of temptation that I luckily had caught onto. I wasn’t a heavy user at all in fact I was the least subject of focus amongst my friends. Altruistically, I became the leader of our dance crew sort of the eyes of the group and what we called the “Main Head” of EIU. One of the most talented crews in all of OC. You can even look us up on YouTube our videos are still there. Everyone called me Acidoser which is funny because I never tried acid in my life and still to this day I haven’t touched the substance. Moving through the years from where this started to when it ended between the years of 2011-2014 now aged 17 at the beginning of 2011.I found myself in one of the happiest state of minds I had ever been. I made a ton of friends and met tons of people through my days and everyone knew my name. It was strange times for me. Imagine walking out in public and having dudes and girls alike calling your name out. This was very striking to a humble person like me. It was like the world was screaming for me to break out of my shell. One side would scream dancing and drugs and the other half of me still trapped would say no stay down. Guess which one I chose? It payed itself in respect down the line but further down that road I started trying other drugs to go along with what I called “experimenting”.
By Gabriel Nieto6 years ago in Psyche
