trauma
At its core, trauma can be thought of as the psychological wounds that persist, even when the physical ones are long gone.
Their Common Traumas
It was the first day of classes, another year began which I did not think was anything good because the previous ones had been such as I predicted, miserable. I walked through the corridors of the school, like a soul in pain, I haunted every corner. It was my fifth period, I did not know where to go and when I found out where I was, I knew I was late but I introduced myself, I went into the room, all eyes on me, I saw a friend from last year, I sat with her. That's how it all started. She has the most beautiful eyes in the world, when she smiles she creates another planet, when she makes ugly faces she also looks beautiful, I do not know how she did it, but she captivated me, quickly, without much doing. I was always alone, antisocial, and apparently angry. She was happy, pure, free, on the outside everything with which she wanted to hide that inside. She always greeted me, often told me to smile or that I am beautiful that day, I do not know if I fell in love with her because I did not have anyone else or simply because she was the first to captivate my attention. We kissed for the first time on the patio of my house, it was weird, she swore not to kiss me again, but she did. She has a lot of pain, she cries almost every night. She told me her life, I know every detail of it, and I would love to erase some of her moments; abuse, violence, and a broken heart. It was blamed that they played with her, she said she was not enough, she screamed at me, she told me things she did not even think or feel, that anger consumed her. Sometimes I went completely crazy, I did not know what to do; how, why, when. Totally crazy. But those moments in which she smiled, I saw that beautiful heart that was still in her. Every beautiful moment counted for five fights for me, I was the "optimist" but no, completely deluded. I said things something that I did not do myself, we are a disaster of emotions. I suffered from severe anxiety, she from suffering, I from bipolarity, she from bipolar with depressive disorders, like me, too. We walk together to school and sometimes, we fight. She does not know what she wants, sometimes she tells me to leave her, but I can not. When a little girl suffered a lot of abuse, when that anger grew, it grew bigger, then she gave her heart to the wrong person, it broke into pieces. It's been two years since that happened and eight months since I met her and I have not been able to replace those broken pieces. She no longer trusts anyone, she sleeps with an open eye if necessary, the father looks like the groom over protector, and the mother does not look like a mother. They ask for confidence but when she speaks she is being disrespectful, they expect her to listen but if she defends herself she is being disrespectful. People speak bad of her, only to annoy her. When she gets angry, I try to give her love, to advise her but it gets worse, that anger is consuming her. My mind, my past, and my traumas torture me. Since I was little, I lived with my parents, they fought little, we were happy, and I used to go out and play with my friends every day. Then I moved here. She was born here. She is beautiful, necessary clarification. Sometimes I sink into an abyss of thoughts about why this is not going to work, sometimes I want to scream at her because I do not understand her. She says she loves me. I love her more than my life. I would love to know how to make her happy, because it is exactly what she needs to survive. She says many things, it's an open book with an iron cover, but I love the falseness with which she really loves me.
By Maria Morales8 years ago in Psyche
Helpless
The picture represents sadness. Well, the picture has it completely wrong. I am not sad. Yes I have been sad. I have gone through quite a lot. But I’m okay. I’ve made it through abuse, torment, and anything else you can come up with. A year ago was most definitely not the same thing. I had so many mental breakdowns, I lost it all the time. I was so suicidal, I didn’t ever dream of making it to 17. But here I am, writing this, hoping to reach out to someone in need. Hell, I need this. I need to write down my successes. I’ve done it. Everyone doubted me, not one person consistently stuck by my side. I didn't need a partner. I didn’t need my parents. Nor did they need me. I made it. All on my own. I have been through so much in the last 12 years of my life (non-stop hell.) You’d never guess that if you met me. I don’t cry, I don’t look upset. I will pretend for my entire life that I’ve got everything together whether I do or not.
By 8 years ago in Psyche
life love and chronic conditions
when you suffer daily and risk hospital everyday all you can do is smile In may 2017 i was put in intensive care after it looked like id had acid thrown in my face and it had swollen beyond recognition, And omg the pain was unreal and i came very close to not being here anymore i had a severe reaction to something and to this day we dont know what anyway my gp had given me steroids thinking it was allergy but it turned out to be a super infection and as a result my immune system was killed off so i had to be given several strong medications to counter act the damage . I was in such a dark place then as i looked like a freak and lost my lovely thick long hair due to the infection and my bipolar meant i thought everyone was staring and laughing at me when i ventured out of my sole room . 8 months on from then im still not healed but alot better i am covered in scars physically and emotionally . I have now been diagnosed with pemphigus vulgarias a very rare immune condition where it attacks your skin thinking its a threat which was triggered by my reaction in may so now i am constantly breaking out in very painful blisters that scab over and are hard to heal i am now at great risk of serious infection etc and i refuse to live life worrying so i just keep smiling and living life the best i can i am about to start treatment which involves killing my immune system so il be at even greater risk of serious issues and more hospitals .
By clair lissenden8 years ago in Psyche
Why Self-Acceptance Is Bullshit
"I feel like garbage today," I responded, unsure if he was asking about my day because he wanted an honest answer or if he was just making small talk. Filtering has never been my forte, so I went with the first answer that jumped out of my mouth.
By Fiona Wong8 years ago in Psyche
Awaken by Memories
My hand pushes down on the bleached out mattress, and I watch it recoil back to me. I flutter as I feel an arctic chill hit my naked back; fluorescent lights flicker with the annoyance of loci flying around on a summer night. My patience is wearing off as I continue to stare at the hands skipping around the clock. I tell myself to wait a few more minutes, and remember that things could be a lot worse. I scratch at the tape itching over my arm; the IV has been carefully placed inside the left arm, fluids dripping slowly into my veins. Memories start flashing before my eyes one after another. My homelessness had turned into an enduring life experience that which made me into the grateful person I am today.
By Katrina Gifford8 years ago in Psyche
The Little Girl Who Was Never Loved
From a very young age, the little girl had to learn how to be a survivor. No one ever taught her how to love. Her mother was nothing but a disappointment. She couldn't cry to her mother, or ask for a bandage for her boo-boos. Her mother drowned herself in a world of drugs, and violence. She was never mentally present in the girl's life. The little girl would go to sleep at night with no food or water. She would cry herself to sleep every night. The only thing that kept the girl going, was her little sister. She knew she had to care for her. The young girl was only two years old. She fed, and changed her baby sister. She didn't know what she was doing. The young girl protected her baby sister from the bad men. She protected her from the beatings. The little girl would lay her body over her baby sister's and tell the man, "Hit me." The tears suddenly became no more, and her heart became hardened. She wouldn't let anyone in her heart. The little girl learned to shut everything out. Anything bad that happened was locked away. It was never reopened.
By Caitlin Adkins8 years ago in Psyche
A Conversation Between Two Friends
I can’t take it. Just because one person believes in me doesn’t mean anything. I sometimes wonder what would happen if I die. I constantly think about dying but I haven’t got around to it yet. I try so hard not to think about it but it is always there.. I can hardly go a day without wanting to cut myself just to make everything fade. I don’t know how much longer I can hang on. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff with only one way out and that is to jump. I know that I would die but what else can I do? I keep thinking that one person believes that I can get past this without jumping and it’s the only thing that has stopped me from jumping. I try to turn back but I can’t turn I’m stuck standing there and trying to find a way out without jumping. If nobody believed that I could get through this I would have already jumped. I just want to kill myself to lessen my pain but what is the point of lessening your pain when it brings pain onto someone else? I can hardly breathe because it feels like there is a something pressing down on my chest. Depression is the worst. The dark days where everything seems to go the wrong way. I am absolutely terrified of the dark. So depression is worse for me than for normal people with depression, I think. I just want to quit. But he tells me that I can’t quit so I won’t quit. I can’t quit for his sake. Why me? Why does this have to happen to me? I hate my life. I just want to change my life for the better but I can’t because of what happened to me. God damn it. I definitely need some help. My dad sexually abused me for five years so how can I continue?
By Lillibeth Rayanne8 years ago in Psyche
It Sounds Cliché, but It's Not—You Are Not Alone
It sounds cliché to say that, I know. But as tired as you may be of hearing it, and as silly as it might sound, it's true. You. Are. Not. Alone. You are not alone in your struggles. You are not alone in your battles. You are not alone in your pain, your loneliness, your mental health, or your experiences. And this is coming from someone who has been living with perpetual feelings of loneliness her entire life.
By Dani Perez8 years ago in Psyche
