Lifestyle
For the lives that we love, and everything that comes with it.
In The End
As I opened the door to your house the smell inside hit me, forcing me to wrinkle my nose. What was once a welcoming scent of tobacco, coffee, and after shave had turned into sickness and the sweet sickly smell of death. We walked into see you struggle to get up and you quickly had to sit back down. You could barely stand, let alone walk up to greet us. We both tried hugging you but you said it hurt so I didn't touch you. I know you didn't want to go to the hospital with us...but Nanny made you.
By Bethany Winters8 years ago in Families
When Body Positivity Gets Ugly
I will start this piece in something of a matter-of-fact way. I am plus size. I always have been, and I likely always will be. This is not me resigning myself to some awful lifelong fate; this is me accepting my body for what it is – and loving it anyway. My height and my dress size have opened a lot of doors for me since I got on board the body positivity train when I was eighteen, including working with major plus size fashion retailers and model agencies. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing though, and despite my current dress size being a fairly consistent size 18, one phrase has stuck with me since I won the Simply Be Model Search in 2011.
By Abigail Hill8 years ago in Viva
Become Not What You Fight
Imagine something for a moment. Someone coming up to you, and saying they have been raped. What do you do?Seriously, think about it for a moment. Because the world is demanding you have an answer these days. Even though you weren't a party to this heinous act, you may very well be held accountable for your reaction. Especially if you are a man. You may have heard this reasoning quite often when women are asked about why they didn't do more, or why they didn't come forward. At some point, it seems to be one of the answers or reasons - other people didn't do enough. And it's a defense people will use quite often as well in discussions about destroying rape culture - other people have to do more. Do something. Do anything. So, what do you do? Or better yet - what CAN you do? Because that seems to be something nobody wants to bother answering, or addressing. It's simply a hive mind response much of the time - "Men should do more. Other people should do more. DO. MORE." As if the onus of bringing rapists to justice largely falls on the shoulders of anyone BUT the victim. Let me be clear here - rape is despicable. I personally believe that anyone who commits this act, should spend the rest of their days behind bars, because their victim is certainly going to have to live with the trauma of it until the day they die. But, and I know this is becoming rather a taboo thing to mention these days - the victim IS the one who has the most power to do something about it! And they SHOULD. Other people can certainly help, and they should too. But other people are limited in what we can do to actually help. We can't go to the police for you, we can't give statements on your behalf of what happened, we can't take rape kit tests for you, we can't go to trial on your behalf and stand up there and give your story to a jury. And ultimately - we cannot make you take back the power to be brave, and to stand up and say "I will NOT let this go."And most importantly - we cannot blindly believe you when you say someone has raped you, or sexually harassed you. I'm sorry, but we cannot. No more than we could blindly believe that someone robbed you, or stole your car, or took your lunch, or tripped you, or shoved you against a wall, or gave you a black eye, or shot you...literally ANYTHING that you could otherwise claim someone else did to you. This seems to be the crux of the problem - people seem to think we should believe accusers right off the bat, and condemn men accused because rape culture is a thing, and to hell with due process, fair trails, or a justice system. Because those have failed so many women in the past. So now you ABSOLUTELY must believe anyone who accuses someone of rape, sexual assault, harassment, and if you don't, you're part of the problem. This is asinine. Pure and simple. I agree, due process, trials, and the justice system, in general, has failed FAR too many women, and men, in the past when it comes to getting justice for their assaults, their rapes, their harassment. But we can't start lynching people for not "doing enough". You can't start blaming everyone else for what happened to you, or for the fact that you were too scared to come forward. If you weren't believed, you can't blame those who weren't part of whoever didn't believe you for that. And when I say believe, again, I do not mean they should automatically agree with you that what you say happened, happened. There has to be due process, there has to be fair trials. So...what can WE do, and what can YOU do if you've been a victim of rape?WE can be there to support you emotionally. WE can help your voice be heard if people refuse to take your allegations seriously. WE can demand answers for you if rape kits aren't being processed. WE can help you, if possible, gather evidence and build a case as best as possible. But please keep in mind we do not live in a fully fair and just world, I'm sorry to say. There are people who rob, cheat, steal, murder every day who get away with it. Many of them may ultimately be brought to justice, but that's not always the case. It may not be the case for you. But please - DO NOT let that stop you. YOU can report what has been done to you to proper authorities, YOU can hold them accountable if they refuse to listen to you or try and make it seem like it was your fault or that you didn't do enough, YOU can be brave, and stand up to someone who tried to take your life, your voice, your will away. It won't be easy. In fact, it will probably be hard, emotionally devastating, perhaps even soul-crushing. But if you don't do everything in your power, we can't help you. If you falter, everyone around you loses what power they have to assist you. Much of it is, unfortunately, on YOUR shoulders. Because YOU are the victim. And YOU are the one who has to take your life back. Take YOUR voice back. Take YOUR strength back. We can't believe you outright, but it doesn't mean we have to dismiss what you say either. It can, and SHOULD be taken seriously. But like any other accusation of crime, people are innocent until proven guilty. Please, PLEASE keep that in mind.
By Devin Cobalt8 years ago in Viva
How Do I Get My Child Into Reading?
How Do I Get My Child Into Reading? The recent changes to GCSE English Language and Literature require a very high level of reading ability. Not only is it important to be able to read very lengthy and detailed passages but they also demand a wide vocabulary and an ability to write creatively. This underlines, more than ever, the importance of reading. To put it simply, you cannot expect to answer comprehensions or write your own creative writing pieces if you do not have experience of reading a wide variety of texts. If you want to achieve the higher grades, then reading is the key to unlock potential in creative writing and language analysis.
By Elisabeth Basford8 years ago in Families
My Son
I was six weeks when I found out that I was pregnant. Unfortunately, I struggled so much to get seen by an OB doctor because I couldn’t get medical for some unknown reason. Time goes on and I’m already 4 months with no ultrasound until I can finally get myself into a clinic where they were patient and understanding enough to take me in for prenatal care until I got my medical situated.
By Elissa Gallegos8 years ago in Families
Why I Stopped Talking to My Family
I always thought that I would be part of my family. I pictured going to my father's home and bringing my children over to visit with their grandfather. I pictured holidays together and spending time with my siblings and sharing memories. I always knew that my family was not very healthy. There was plenty of dysfunction to go around, and as the oldest child I was able to witness most of it. I thought for the most part that my family maybe didn't exactly like me, but they loved me. I was completely wrong. It took me many many years to realize that I was the scapegoat in my family and that the role would follow me forever. I was always blamed for things that didn't even have anything to do with me. I was punished more severely, made to feel not good enough always, and I was never praised or recognized for any accomplishment I achieved. I made every effort to make my parents and siblings see I was a good person and I deserved their love. I was always given a taste of love but never the full meal. I was always used for any money I brought in from any job I had. I was made to take care of my younger siblings and take care of my mother. I took care of the household and did everything I could to show my family how much I loved them. Sure, I was not perfect but I didn't deserve the harsh realities of being the scapegoat. When I started researching narcissistic families my whole life became so crystal clear. I finally understood that I was not the problem and that I was worthy of love. I knew that I needed to be a bit more cautious of my family. I never thought that the bitterness they held for me was so great that they would decided to try and ruin my life. It came as a complete and total shock. I must explain some back story to you before I go any further. I was so very saddened by how my family acted towards me and as a young teen I didn't understand. I dabbled in some drug use and ended up in a very harmful and abusive relationship. I managed to get my life together when I became pregnant with my daughter. I was so happy to have her that I wanted and would always vow to be the best mother to her. I had a hard time still with depression and I went to therapy. I was blessed with 2 more beautiful children; my boys a few years later. I love and treasure my kids. My kids are what I live for, and I strive and work very hard for them to have the best possible childhood they can have. I have been what I would consider a mother I wished I would have had. I never want my kids to feel how I did. I am happy and love life. Well, my family couldn't stand to see me happy with a man I love and my kids. They needed to put me down as they had done all the years prior. I was not allowed to feel happiness. How dare I? My sick family knew that my weakness and fear was not being with my children. They plotted and in such a sick way used abuse by proxy to involve my aunt in a false allegation smear campaign against me. They tried to put absurd false allegations against me with founded no proof. I was amazed at how sick they could be. The hurt and betrayal made me sick for days. I was never so angry at the pain they tried to cause me. I knew then that these people did not at all have my best interest at heart. I knew they wanted to see me fail and be so unhappy. I knew I could never look them in the face after what they did to try and ruin me. I know that it may not seem like such a big betrayal to some, but you have to understand how sneaky and deceiving this was and how completely unjustified this was. It came from nowhere and to this day I can't get over why they would do such a cruel thing. I of course tried to defend my honor while they tried to somehow make me look crazy. I knew I had to stop feeding into the craziness they created and the drama they lived for. I never wanted to be a part of that family ever again. I did not receive anything good from a relationship with them. I knew I would never be able to trust them and I knew how toxic it would be to have my babies around them. I had to go 'no contact' with them and I had to do it now. My family is my world, I would be damned if they would try and take that from me. I needed to see how evil they were, how much they did not care about me or my kids. It was finally the push I needed to stop the abuse. I have officially been no contact with the family for almost 3 months now and it still is hard sometimes. I sit and hope to see them realize they were wrong and come apologizing to me. But that is just a fantasy and I realize that is never going to be. I wouldn't let them back into my life now. I have grown so much stronger and learned so much about myself during this time. I am not going to lie. Sometimes I feel all alone. I feel a feeling of homesickness, like I don't have a family. I feel orphaned. But then I realize that I am so blessed to see them for what they are and stop the abuse. I am blessed to have found my own way and have my family. I will never understand the cruel ways of my narcissistic family but I will know that they will go to no length to try and hurt you. Education against individuals who have narcissism is the best weapon that you can hold against them. You learn the tactics they use to bring you down and you can then see who is not for you and toxic. I hope that by sharing just this one instance of the abuse I suffered, will help someone who is going through a similar experience. You have the strength to remove yourself from your family if they are doing things to hurt you. No one deserves to be put down and treated in such an abusive way. You owe your family nothing and when you walk away you begin to heal and it is so peaceful to know that it wasn't you that was the problem, instead it was them..
By Ash astrid8 years ago in Families
