The One

“So, how have you been? I haven’t really seen you since… well… it’s been a while!” She danced around the question she really wanted to ask. What she really wanted to say was, ‘How’ve you been since the break-up? Are you still super depressed or can we hang out again without me feeling like I’m talking to a corpse?’

“I’m doing good now actually, I’m on some new shit you know? I’ve been finally doing the things I’ve always wanted to do but felt like I couldn’t, I hit the Sunday matinee and saw that play I’ve been dying to see, been saying yes instead of no, it's been nice.” I didn’t mention that I thought I saw him at the bus stop but didn’t though, it was just another shadow I was chasing, thinking I’d see his face one more time.

“Oh, that’s so great to hear! You know I was really worried about you for a second, I mean I never saw you guys ending up together, but I know you were so infatuated with the idea it didn’t feel right to say anything.” She smirked as if that bit of information were some secret she kept hidden so well. When in fact, she made it blatantly apparent that she was not a fan of him. She never smiled when he was around and always had a disapproving look on her face.

“I mean, I don’t know, I thought we were something, but if he wanted me, he really should have showed it, and he didn’t.” I think back to our final moments together, nothing really happened between us, but I guess that was just it. Sometimes relationships end because the love dies out, and there’s nothing you can really do to save it. But if my wishes came true, it would have been him. We used to have so much fun together, going to fancy parties like we were Gatsby and Daisy in the roaring 20s. We made all of our moments count, but that’s just how love goes sometimes. And then everything just became so melancholy, like a vibrant painting fading over time with no one to restore it to its original brilliance.

It’s been a few months now, but I still dream about him, not him coming back to me and telling me how much he wants to try again, no, it’s always him having adventures on his own. His life seems to be better, and he feels indifferent about us.

“So, have you, uh, heard from him at all?” She feels me drifting into my pool of thoughts.

“No, actually not at all, I wonder how he’s doing,” I say, looking at my coffee mug.

“Well I heard he met some girl on the internet and took her home! Can you believe that? I mean what kind of desperate sleeze ball does that? Probably paid good money for her.”

“Who’d you hear that from, did you see her?”

“Well you know, word gets around, and no I didn’t, but I doubt she’s as pretty as you are” she winks at me thinking that’ll make me feel better, but I know inlook awful, fragile from the lack of food my emotions let me eat. Maybe I could have done something different…..

“Hey …..?

“Yeah what’s up?”

“Do you think I should call him?”

“Are you kidding? Why would you do that! Look at the glow up you’ve had since he left, I’m telling you girl you are way better off without him!”

Before I could even think of a response, there he was, standing at the door of our small town coffee house, as if he had planned it all out. I stood the walk over to him when …. Grabbed my hand.

“What do you think you are doing?”

“I’m sorry, I have to.” She began giving some sort of ‘men ain’t shit’ girl power speech, but I couldn’t hear it as I walked to the counter where he stood about to place his order.

“Hello, what can I get you today?” The barista asked him.

“A medium dark roast with one sugar and just a splash of cream.” I responded over his shoulder, as I said the order, he turned with a knowing smile.

“Hey you!” He said as he embraced me, cologne tickled my nostrils bringing back so many memories.

“How have you been?” He looked exactly the same as the last day I saw him, unchanged, unbothered, just as he always is.

“I’ve been good, you know just doing my own thing, hie about you? You look great.”

“Thanks, yeah I’ve been good, I was just catching up with…. Actually, it’s been a while since we’ve hung out.”

“Oh yeah, nice.” He looked over at her, his singular wave was met with a scoff and an eye roll from ….

“Here’s your order sir.” As the barista handed him the to go cup i thought about where he might be off to next, and with who.

“Well I don’t want to bother you, just wanted to say hello.”

“Yeah, hey listen, it was great seeing you.” He said, his face unreadable as to whether he meant it or was just being kind. I turned to go back to … and pretend like our conversation was of any interest to me when I stopped for a moment and turned back to him.

“Hey …?”

“Yeah?” He knew what was coming.

“If just one thing had been different, do you think everything would have been different?” His face remained unchanged as he thought about what to say staring at his coffee cup.

“You know, I wondered that too . . . But if I’m really honest, no I don’t.” He smiled as he looked back up at me, “but you know, I always thought you would’ve been the one.”

“Yeah, me too, it would’ve been fun.” I walked back to my table where … had been waiting, a fully prepared, ‘what a piece of shit’ speech already in progress. As insat I watched him walk past us outside of the window, and gave one last wave.