Harper Lewis
Bio
I'm a weirdo nerd who’s extremely subversive. I like rocks, incense, and all kinds of witchy stuff. Intrusive rhyme bothers me.
MA English literature, College of Charleston
Achievements (7)
Stories (127)
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How to W(h)in(e). Content Warning.
Jennifer Love Hewitt, the volume of complaining from allegedly grown folks is astounding. I’m especially intrigued by the idea that making the complaint rhyme makes it a poem instead of a thinly-veiled complaint, like there’s a prize for rhyming whining.
By Harper Lewisabout 17 hours ago in Writers
Take Off Your Prose!. Content Warning.
Welcome to the Temple of the Profane. I know, right? Whodathunk I’d ever encourage end rhyme? If it’s offensive, I’m okay with it. Grab a pint of Guinness or Jameson’s and don’t tell me “dirty limerick” is redundant. I’m well aware that if it isn’t dirty, it’s not a true limerick. But some people try to ruin a good time with some puritan Pollyanna bullshit every chance they get. I’ve read some clean limericks, and there’s something about them that’s more wrong than an olive in a Bloody Mary or a stalk of celery in a fucking martini. If I can figure out how, I’ll fine anyone who tries to sneak a clean limerick in here, and I’ll press criminal charges if sentimentality enters the equation. It has no place outside of Hallmark cards and movies, and we’re not dumbing down this room.
By Harper Lewisabout 18 hours ago in Writers
Working Title. Content Warning.
For the life of me, I couldn’t remember how many of us hooked up with each other at that hot tub party at Amber’s last month, and that was probably where I picked up whatever bug this was. It was inconvenient and uncomfortable as hell, but you pay your money and you take your choice. Win some, lose some. Peaks and valleys, man. I wondered if I had time to duck out to my car and hit my pen before they called me back. Probably not. Good thing I popped that gummy before I left my pad.
By Harper Lewis3 days ago in Critique
Rewind . Content Warning.
Who did these assholes think they were, asking me about my personal business? I wasn’t one bit amused by any of this bullshit. Some dumb little tramp got my dick sick. I’ll slit her throat when I figure out which one it was. What kind of bullshit was this, anyway? Why did they need to know how many bitches I’ve bagged? Fuck them, I just made one up.
By Harper Lewis3 days ago in Critique
The Plot Thickens . Content Warning.
Okay, think back. What happened after Debbie left, after I came out of my coma? I’m serious, man. She broke my heart bad, and I didn’t come out of my apartment for like a week, and then only because I was out of weed and booze. The guys actually came over and dragged my ass to band practice then force fed me chicken wings and IPA. Good dudes, always have my back.
By Harper Lewis3 days ago in Critique
Rock Bottom . Content Warning.
I began counting backwards to the night Debbie dumped me. Scott said that was an understatement, but hell, our divorce isn’t even final yet, and we were barely married before she started up with her ex behind my back, ultimately leaving me for him after his stupid app made him a millionaire.
By Harper Lewis3 days ago in Critique
Hemingway, Steinbeck, and Faulkner
When people ask if I like Faulkner or Hemingay, like they’re Maryann and Ginger, it irks me. My answer is yes, and it’s not like, it’s love. And why are you neglecting Steinbeck? I reject the idea that a reader can only read one style and like it. Hemingway, Steinbeck, and Faulkner are my holy trinity, my neapolitan ice cream. At the risk of stating the obvious, Hemingway is vanilla, Steinbeck is strawberry, and Faulkner is chocolate. I love them all.
By Harper Lewis4 days ago in Geeks
