Satire

The Shark Tank Cleaner
I didn’t like my job, but it paid well. Every day, I had to clean the waste from the tanks, but the shark tanks were the worst. They made the most waste, and it smelled like rotten meat. At least I had Shelia to help me.
By Alex H Mittelman 3 years ago in Fiction
Mystery of the Nile
My eyes opened just enough to peek at the numbers on the digital clock on the dresser. It read: 7:38 AM. On any other day of the week, I would be rushing around getting ready for my first appointment, but one morning a week I reserved for myself. Being self-employed, that day was Monday, and I loved my Monday mornings. I stretched and reached for my phone, automatically opening my email to check for urgent messages. I paused. No, this was my morning; email and business could wait until after lunch. The morning was mine. I smiled and sighed indulgently as I allowed my phone to drop onto the rug. I rolled over and stretched my legs to the cool spot on the bed as I snuggled my head into the blankets to block out the sunlight leaking through the curtains.
By Jennifer Plaster3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 80
Siltana still had a few soldiers by her side . They rallied with a battlecry around her and we all fight each other for a while . Siltana cocked her sword back for a power slash and Jerry tried to block her . To no avail Jerry was also sent flying by her through the wall . I had been through the same thing and the whole situation felt like Deja Vu . ( We have the same term on this planet ). Luckily though , before Jerry was sent flying . We took out the rest of her guards . The last three standing in the room were me , Siltana and John . Although I’m sure Jerry and Bulls Eye weren’t out for the count . To me right now . We were at an advantage .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 79
She continued to laugh for awhile , even holding her stomach and wiping off tears . I started to wonder if she's been getting high with her magic . That is a thing in this world . People can get addicted to their own powers . Depending on the exact power and their addiction natures . Siltana then seemed to abruptly get more serious as she gathered herself and cleared her throat . She walked up to me , stared at me dead in my eyes . Then she asked me , " why are you here and how many more of you are there ?" I said , "I don’t know why I’m here . Drill voice mode activate electricity absorption . Drill voice mode activate wrap around head . " She gave me a shocked and confused look as my drill started to wrap around the helmet . I got sick of being captured and installed simple voice activated commands during preparation . I've been so excited about my moving arm upgrade . That I almost forgot that I added this capability exactly for situations like this . It made sense though . I am such an optimist focused on succeeding that I would be inclined to not think about my fail safes I prepare .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 78
One of the guards shouted at us to shut up . Now that we were actually speaking and it wasn't so dark anymore . I noticed that the soldiers were all of the Rottweiler dog race . We have a few Rottweiler dogs back home . I wonder if they are related in any way . The Rottweiler guard that told us to shut up continued to speak while I was thinking . " There is no way that you guys are getting out of here now . In fact I don’t even know what made you guys think that you could invade our village ! Either way once Siltana turns the four of you over to our master . He's going to going to get to the bottom of things if Siltana somehow can not . The worst part is that once Siltana and our Master are done with you , there will be nothing left ." We complied and stopped talking because we were at a disadvantage at the moment. Best to be silent . It would probably be best to follow orders for now .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 77
The sun was starting to rise and at this point you could to hear the frightened villagers screaming in fear from inside their homes . Some of the guys from the homes came out side shouting and yelling to confront us only to get knocked out . We were ordered to take it easy on the civilians. So we made sure not kill or injure any of them and we kept it moving. The chief would be proud of our discipline that we are showing .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
The Teller
“In twelve days, you’ll find everything you’re looking for, Ms. Harmsworth. You’ll be able to pay everything back in no time at all,” I told her. The future I saw for her was bleak, unable to pay back the loan the bank was going to give her, so they would foreclose on her house and sell off her assets. It didn’t matter to me, the bank was paying me to ignore the negative visions and use my reputation as the world’s greatest psychic to convince people to take a loan.
By Alex H Mittelman 3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 76
We tried to hide amongst the trees . As they got closer to us , we knew we were spotted . They were just trying to play it cool until they could get close enough to surround us or something . John yelled for everyone to run and we took off . I said this way and pointed in the direction that I first heard the louder fight happening . If it was Draco and the robed guy this would be the perfect time for us to provide backup . I explained this to everyone as we ran .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 75
Just when I thought I couldn’t breathe anymore , I heard a loud but muffled scream . Yes I said to myself as I slowly regained my breath. Bulls Eye must’ve got it done it just in the nick of time . When she was focused on taking me and Jerry and John , out he must’ve got her right in the nose or mouth. She must’ve been dying because her magical cloth started to slowly disappear . I guess it was a fatal blow .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 74
While we were in the midst of battle . I was starting to try to analyze our cloth lady enemy . The most jarring problem is that we were on a strict time limit . John was regrettably still trapped in her cloth . We had to defeat her or free him before he stopped breathing . If we don't focus soon my new friend will be dead .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 73
In the distance I heard a loud explosion . The impact of the explosion was so loud that I guess our two leaders must be engaged in combat . It must be the robe guy and Draco fighting I thought . Still they seemed to be a far distance away from me . I decided that it might be best to continue to slowly making my way through the town . My job was to see if I could help somebody else or take out another enemy . It was also that I had Jerry beside me. A few minutes later I noticed another small skirmish taken place . Except it was it was way closer than the first explosion . Jerry noticed it as well , we both took off running towards the sound .
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction
Planet Tetro ~ Page 72
This time I decided to dodge her sword attack instead of blocking . Seeing as how far she sent me flying before. I barely dodged it and was panting while anticipating her next attack . After the last attack she started concentrating with both of her hands . Her hands were soon to be covered in a large ball of light . It was twice as large as the one that she launched at me before. Shit I thought I wish my drill absorbed light just like my drill is able to absorb electricity.
By Terrence3 years ago in Fiction