Satire
Anyone Can Become the President of the United States. Content Warning.
Preface – Recently, I saw an international news broadcast where a collection of grade school-aged kids were asked the question, “What steps would you have to take to become the President of the United States?” Based on the results of past Presidential elections in America and the endless barrage of chaos so witlessly (or perhaps purposefully) produced by the winners of those elections, it is safe to say that, “In the United States of America, it is possible for absolutely anyone to become the President!” Deploying the formula that certain leaders of that country appear to have used, I have put together a totally fictional instruction manual suitable for use by anyone who aspires to be the next (or any future) President. What I mean to say is, “If this guy or that guy was actually elected, then maybe these measures and practices, characteristics and behaviors really could work for anyone!!” Please realize also that this, being a fictional piece, any and all statements made and which appear to be references to actual people are purely coincidental. No such references are intended.
By John Oliver Smith24 days ago in Fiction
The Art of Caregiving. Honorable Mention in Instructions Included Challenge.
Step 1: Patience is a Virtue Your loved one may be in a bad mood, driven by frustration, pain, or depression at being in their current state. This is normal, and expected. As their caregiver, it is up to you to boost their morale, which can be done with positive affirmations and/or physical gestures of love; e.g. hand holding, back rubbing, showering with praise. Note: keep in mind that too much praise can be detrimental. The path to healing has no participation awards, and there are times when a firm yet gentle hand is needed. These occasions may coincide with doling out medication, feeding, and attempts to foster independence. If you have the luxury of being in a hospital/institutional setting, extending patience to the facility's staff is a must. They cannot be everywhere at once, and there are other patients on their rotation besides your loved one. In rare cases where staff members seem especially inattentive, it is considered polite to refrain from wringing necks and spouting verbal abuse. The general rule of thumb is the kinder you treat the staff, the friendlier and more helpful they will be to your loved one in return. This is harder to achieve for many people in a caregiver role, but over time the self-inflicted wounds from chewing one's own tongue to hamburger will heal given sufficient time. Your patience and nerve will be tested at all times. It is of vital import that you remain calm, supportive, and flexible, so that you can cater to whatever needs your loved one may have. Additional restraint may be required if your patience is repeatedly taxed, and not met with the appreciation you feel is deserved. Overall, however, the bulk of your patience will usually be rewarded.
By Natalie Gray25 days ago in Fiction
Instructions for Returning to a Place That No Longer Exists. Runner-Up in Instructions Included Challenge.
I. Purpose of This Document These instructions exist because return has been explicitly requested. Please note that they are not an endorsement of the request, nor should their existence be interpreted as confirmation that return is advisable, safe, or even possible in any way commonly understood. This document addresses procedure only.
By Shannon Hilson25 days ago in Fiction
Thank You for Your Patience
The first announcement thanked us for our patience. It explained that there had been a minor incident and that emergency services were responding accordingly. We were advised to remain indoors, avoid unnecessary travel, and continue normal activities where possible.
By Courtney Jones26 days ago in Fiction
