Satire
Drug Dealers vs. Banks
I have odd thoughts when I think about where my money goes. I do not spend money on drugs...well, not illegal drugs. And yet, I still have no money. All that time saving and being (nearly) careful with my cash, I thought that I would be doing better than I am. So, why did this happen?Hmm...
By Kendall Defoe 2 years ago in Humor
Mountain Dew Shortage Makes Strange Bedfellows
Extreme sports athletes and hard core methamphetamine addicts came together this week to issue a statement demanding an immediate increase in the nations Mountain Dew supply. The two groups, who rarely see eye to eye given their wildly disparate socioeconomic backgrounds, lifestyles, and overall health status, put aside their longstanding and very significant differences to deliver the plea in writing to Mountain Dew brand owner PepsiCo. Thirty year meth addict Ted Stephens said of the historic document “While I might think these extreme sports dicklicks are a bunch of a-holes and punk ass bitches, at least they have the right taste in soda. After a five day meth binge I need to come down some before I can even think of getting any shut-eye and there aint nothing to bring me down like an ice cold Mountain Dew. Something about that massive dose of caffeine and sugar all wrapped up in that sickly sweet green carbonated goodness just hits the right spot for me. I can’t get enough of the shit, hell, I’d brush my teeth with it, if I had any left. PepsiCo better get their asses in gear and start cranking out some fuckin Dew, sons a bitches.” Extreme skiing legend Tony Montigo made the following statement. “Dude, there is nothing more radical than dropping in on a 60 degree slope from a helicopter at 12000 feet, except for Mountain Dew. The shit is the bomb. And dope is wack dude, get off the shit fuckin meth, freaks.” As of last reports Mr. Stephens was still on the shit. PepsiCo spokesmen Hal Rivens responded to the two groups saying “We understand and have heard the concerns of our two most longstanding and loyal customer segments. While supplies are tight due to shipping delays associated with the recent Covid-19 pandemic, rest assured Mountain Dew is still on store shelves nationwide and will continue to be available. To prove we our serious, we have prioritized Dew shipments over Dasani water and other so called “pussy” drinks for the foreseeable future. At PepsiCo we view serving the meth addict and extreme sports athlete population as part of our core mission, and we will not falter in that mission.”
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor
"The Perils of Procrastination: A Comedic Exploration of Delayed Responsibilities"
We've all been there. It's a bright, sunny day, and you've got a mountain of tasks to tackle. Your to-do list stares at you like a judgmental owl, silently accusing you of being the ultimate procrastinator. But fear not, fellow procrastinators, for in the world of delayed responsibilities, there is humor to be found!
By Ink Mystic2 years ago in Humor
Godly Soothing Relationship
In the quiet town of Graceville, nestled amid rolling hills and fields of golden wheat, a small community thrived. It was here that Sarah Marshall, a devout and kind-hearted young woman, dedicated her life to her faith and her family. Widowed at a young age, she found solace in her unwavering belief in God's plan.
By Joseph Bawaijen Godwin2 years ago in Humor
The Giggle Guide
Once upon a time in the quirky town of Chuckleville, where laughter flowed as abundantly as the Chuckle River, there lived a man named Benny Bumble. Benny had a unique talent that set him apart from everyone else in town—he was the official Giggle Guide, specializing in navigating life's challenges with humor, one chuckle at a time.
By Michael Stephens2 years ago in Humor
A Diary, An Alien Encounter, And Too Much Anal Probing
Have you ever looked at the stars and wondered where the other intelligent life in the universe was hiding? Maybe you saw something bizarre flying through the skies. Did you read the history of events like the famous Roswell Crash or watch the congressional hearings on the UAP phenomenon?
By Jason Ray Morton 2 years ago in Humor
Why Clickbait Is Wonderful
😜 There are lots of reasons to love clickbait. But before I get to that, let me tell you what clickbait is. It’s important to know what clickbait is. Bob thought he knew what clickbait was, but he was solely mistaken and lead to the most terrible results.
By Paul Pence2 years ago in Humor
I'm So Sick of Periods
I don't know about you, but I am so sick of periods. It seems like every month I feel exactly this same way. It has been like this since I was eleven years old and first started writing. It lasts only about a week but for that time at least periods really suck. All I want to do is sit down and try to convey my thoughts in writing but my head hurts, my stomach cramps up, and I am generally in a lot of pain. I start to write and I'm just cruising along, thoghts flowing onto the page, but then I am forced to slow down, pause or stop completely, sometimes in mid thought, all because of stupid periods. I mean, why do I have to deal with these stupid periods every freaking time I write? Why can't I just keep writing and writing without any pauses or breaks or stops? It really makes me cranky and angry and irritated, and tired. Sometimes I get so sick of periods that I get diarhhea. It's bullshit really. Whoever invented periods should be taken outside and shot. I mean seriously, it's not fair. I can't be sure but it seems like only about half the people I know are as sick of periods as I am. What about the other half? Why do periods not seem to bother them at all? Everyone has to write something, at least every once in a while. Shouldn't we all get sick of periods? It doesn't make any sense really, if you stop to think about it, which I often have extra time to do since when I get really sick of periods I usually have to stay home from work one or two days so typically have extra time on my hands. Unfortunately, because I am so sick of periods on those days I call in, I can't even get out of bed, let alone write anything. From the first moment I realized how sick I was of periods I tried to imagine what they might be useful for. There has to be some advantage to them right? Why else would they be so common in written communication. And they have been around forever. Likely since the very beginnings of writing itself, maybe even earlier than that. Without periods, when reading we would not know where one thought ends and another begins, but at least I could make it through a month without three to five days of blinding headaches and debilitating nausea. It is definitely a mystery. Almost as mysterious as the severe acne that always seems to reappear whenever I get really sick of periods. Of course periods can also very useful when one wants to emphasize something in writing or even when talking. But, for me at least, that does not outweigh the negative aspects of periods including the bizarre mood swings, recurrent yeast infections, and painful joint swelling that make me so sick of them.
By Everyday Junglist2 years ago in Humor
