My 150th Article!

This is my 150th article that I am publishing on Vocal and I find it fitting that this is a Friday meant to challenge my own "negative" thought processes'.

Today I was really struggling with my own negativity.

I have had a rough couple of weeks again.

But... I am choosing to be positive and celebrate my achievements.

So far this month, I have earned $0.41 in reads!

So far this month, I have written and published 3 (this one makes 4) out of 6 articles I had planned!

So far this month, I have gotten an answer to several prayers - and am trying to trust God and have faith that this time will be different.

So far this month, I am finally able to kiss my boyfriend again without sensory overwhelm setting in. Yay!

So far this month, I have only had one meltdown - and it was triggered by a new medication which is now on my "do not take again" list! *wink*

So far this month, I have been returning to my baseline after trauma faster than used to be typical for me... did I mention that overall I LOVE my new medication?!

I have made changes to my house. I have gotten rid of more items. I have continued packing. I have continued writing. I have been more accepting of my own limitations. I am becoming more comfortable with asking for accommodations that I really do need in order to live in this world with any definition of equality present.

I am researching things that could make me more self-reliant under my CDCS waiver. Hopefully I will have a list prepared for the Occupational Therapist getting assigned to my case.

I am starting to feel the urge to throw a bunch of things away from my storage locker.

I am preparing to expand my business.

I am hoping to move, but am making plans for my future here if I need to stay.

I am actively fighting the urge to not trust people after my local clinic decided to make some heartbreaking choices that, in my opinion, show how corrupt, unprofessional, and discriminatory some local places have been towards autistic individuals. This decision was made after months of me begging to be accommodated with clear instructions of how they wanted communication.

For a few examples:

• We want clarity on symptoms, BUT don't tell us that much detail.
• We want transparency between patients and providers, BUT not if it is anything legal or messy - you know, like orders for protection.
• We want to help you, BUT not if it involves you telling us how to help you, us sending you to "specialists" 3-4 hours away because we can't trust you, and then the "specialists" reiterating that you were right... how embarrassing!!!

We must prioritize the safety of our employees. -- So, I am a danger to professionals who are supposed to be able to help me? How? By being too blunt and hurting their feelings? What about my feelings that were walked all over? What about my medical care that you "adjusted" by refusing all service to me for being too "legalistic" because I gave you what you asked for: clarity, transparency, trust, and honesty?

Side note: the clinic has permitted me to still utilize the Emergency Room because apparently that is breaking a law worse than refusing to accommodate my request for clear communication, facts to be used instead of provider's "feelings" (I.E. I don't feel like she was in much pain should not be listed anywhere in a factual medical record unless you are going to follow it up with what I am communicating to you!), or accommodate my request for transparency and equity. At least the local hospital has standards for the level of rule-breaking they will engage in I guess?

It is alright though. I must have outgrown the local clinic? Graduated like I had done with the ARMHS program???... it had started with my ARMHS worker unable to understand a text: I am canceling meetings until the internal review is over. Apparently that read: I am wanting to end my services forever. *rolls eyes*

I am proud of myself for not falling apart entirely. I have a new psychiatrist that I will be meeting on Tuesday - we will see if she passes or fails my test. I haven't found a new doctor - yet - but I have impossibly high standards for professionals it seems, so it may take a few trials...

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me -- and I am so glad for that!