trauma
At its core, trauma can be thought of as the psychological wounds that persist, even when the physical ones are long gone.
This was only the beginning
I blocked out my childhood for as long as I can remember then little things started to hit me like a freight train it came fast and god it hit harder then I ever expected . I remember living with my mom , my uncle he’s my favorite! There was movies and games and laughter and fun , I remember living with my grandma who taught me to shop until I dropped which didn’t take long as a child . I remember moving and it was my mom , me and I had my grandpa , my great uncle and someone my mom worked with plus my brothers and sister . My mom was a paramedic before she got too sick . She worked crazy hours so having so many people in a home to help with 4 crazy kids was always nice . When mom wasn’t there though it wasn’t nice . It was doing squats with stinking sweaty boots on a rolling pin , it was boot camp because we were too loud , it was late nights sitting on the floor with my great uncle and my two younger brothers while everyone else slept and watching porn and rubbing his nasty feed ! It was smacks across the face and name calling . But I finally had enough . One night I planned with my brother ( who’s 2 maybe 3 years younger then me ) to go to school and finally report to our school what was really going on ! How we just wanted Mark gone . Little did we know that would be our last time for a while home with our mom . CPS removed my brother and I we went to live with our dads ( we have different fathers ) I remember that car ride. I was so confused ! Why was I being taken ? Why didn’t our plan work ? Did mom choose him ? I remember telling myself I’ll never tell again . After that it seems to just blur . I remember living with my father ( if you can call him that ) his then wife , her 2 mean as hell sons and her niece and nephew . They all had finished rooms , they all ate together like a happy family . Me ? I sat in front of a tv alone . I had a room , with nails sticking out of the floor because Todd never had time to fix it , see he had his own business and he was a volunteer firefighter. Todd he has a temper . I remember borrowing something from a student and Todd punched a big hole into the wall next to my face . I remember I wanted to go to the book fair and my grandma give Todd the money for it . He wouldn’t give me it so I tried to steal a Judy b jones book . Not only did Todd beat my ass , he threw a plastic kitchen toy set that was my baby sisters at my face . I remember his evil wife used to feed me baloney and plain chip sandwiches for lunch while everyone else had fast food or Mac and cheese . I remember her throwing out all my valentines stuff from school , I snuck it out of the trash and hid in on a whole in my closet . But I mostly remember the nephew. I remember his body wash and the way his breathing was and the way his hands covered my mouth as he shoved his penis in me . This happened for years as Todd slept across the hall . I was all of 6 years old and 9 years old when it finally ended and I knew more about sex then what happiness was . I remember telling my mom and she confronted Todd in a restaurant and the belt to the fan breaking I ran out of there with my pants around my ankles I was so scared of Todd I lied I told him it was the boys . I don’t why I just knew I was scared and wanted it to stop . I remember not wanting to keep having this conversation and admitting I lied about the whole thing . I didn’t wanna not see my family anymore . I was supposed to go to New Mexico with my grandma I didn’t want to risk it . I remember going to NM with my grandma and that trip was a mess , my cousins who were being adopted were with us we used our game boys as phones , we played in the camper the whole trip . My boy cousin who was a few years younger then me had the weakest stomach . Every time someone farted he threw up 😂 he’s out grown it now . I remember taking a shopping trip with my gram and telling her everything , she called my mom and when I came to visit my mom we talked she told me I had to tell Todd ! He was listening to my call he was so mad he threw the house phone at me , threw me into his truck in my pjs and a coat and boots and then we drove . He told me he hated me , he was removing his tattoo he had for me , he would be taking his name off my birth certificate and I was as good as dead to him . My mom had no clue where I was for 2 weeks I was at Todd’s moms house . CPS got involved AGAIN. The cops . My mom got home back BUT I was never the same . Long nights of screaming , attempted suicide , ended up in the psych hospital , black outs from rage , broke my moms ribs , dislocated her nose , broke her wrist , fist fulls of hair I was out of control. I wanted my dad to love me . What did I do wrong ? I didn’t ask for him to do that. I should have just kept my mouth shut .
By KelseaMarie Hamilton4 years ago in Psyche
Vocal gives you a voice
I don't know if Johnny Depp realized the negative impact of his defamation suite against his ex-wife Amber Heard may have on women who are abused but I do hope it will give men the courage to voice their abuse that they are suffering. I cannot honestly say one way or another that Amber Heard ever had suffered any abuse by the hands of Johnny Depp because everyone was so against her and the only video that showed him acting violently was directed at the cabinets in his kitchen. But that video was very powerful to me only because I have been there. The noises of slamming and crashing objects is a trigger for people in abusive relationships. It does not matter if Johnny did not hit amber in that video nor if he never laid a hand on her, the video shows a temper under the influence of alcohol and that is exactly what Amber Heards attorneys wanted everyone to see. The thing is it also showed that People who have been abused can have bad moments and it is really due to the frustration due to the loved one they are living with. When home life becomes a negative atmosphere it can and will effect you. And as far as a toxic workplace that can change how a spouse behaves as well. The company my husband works for is a big part of his abuse towards me. Not everything he does I blame on his work but it was not long after taking the job when he started to change. Maybe Ill write a story about that. After all ,no one say that the people who you spend time with will not have any effect on you. That's ludacris!
By Pamela Maynard4 years ago in Psyche
A Tale of Two Phobias
Tug-of-War I was 12 when something profound (at least for me it was) happened at the Bar Beach, Lagos, southwestern Nigeria. It was the Eid celebration. I remember being super excited about a day of sun-filled fun with my immediate family and a bunch of aunts, uncles, and cousins. The entire clan.
By Funke Konrad4 years ago in Psyche
Akward and Healing
(Trigger Warning) This past Wednesday I went to see a therapist for the first time in my life. Let me tell you, it was definitely and experience. There is something about walking into a room and knowing that you can tell the person in front of you anything and they wont judge you. But, when the words start flowing from your mouth it leaves you feeling raw and vulnerable. I pealed away the shell and gave him a very limited synopsis of my life story but even just saying that out loud made me do a self reflection.
By Alexandra Hepburn4 years ago in Psyche
The Thoughts Of An Adult Suffering From The Effects of A Narcissist On Them.
Whatever I write comes out and will be produced for the healing of my emotional detachment and other things, like letting go of my step dad and other harmful behaviors that manifest as a result of those two conditions.
By Calaen Burton 4 years ago in Psyche
The Girl inside of Me (Part I)
I have three brothers and no sisters. When I was a young child, I used to play with my brothers and their friends. Thus, most of my brothers’ friends also became friends of mine. During my childhood it was not a problem for me to be the only girl in the crew, but as I am getting older ―especially during my teenage years, I became obsessed about not having girls as friends. At the same time, I was experiencing loneliness, because all my friends (who are boys) started to have girlfriends and didn’t let me play with them anymore. I started to become depressed. At school, no one wanted to talk to me, neither boys nor girls. The girls thought that I was too masculinized and bullied at me instead of helping me.
By Marie Cadette Pierre-Louis4 years ago in Psyche
Escaping My Abuser
Self love is something we have to learn to do. Something we have to learn to feel. Its something we can only find ourselves. Finding love in yourself after enduring abuse, or while enduring abuse feels impossible. There is always someone there belittling who you are. How can you find love in yourself when you don't feel loved by those around you?
By Hannahalexis974 years ago in Psyche
The Hubby Is On The Roof Again
There were things I wanted to get done a few days ago! Instead, I found myself holding the ladder for my hubby. He was going on the roof to do a minor repair. In the last rainstorm, we lost a shingle, and he wants to add some tar to spots on the roof and firm up some other spots.
By Denise E Lindquist4 years ago in Psyche
