Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Viva.
When Body Positivity Gets Ugly
I will start this piece in something of a matter-of-fact way. I am plus size. I always have been, and I likely always will be. This is not me resigning myself to some awful lifelong fate; this is me accepting my body for what it is – and loving it anyway. My height and my dress size have opened a lot of doors for me since I got on board the body positivity train when I was eighteen, including working with major plus size fashion retailers and model agencies. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing though, and despite my current dress size being a fairly consistent size 18, one phrase has stuck with me since I won the Simply Be Model Search in 2011.
By Abigail Hill8 years ago in Viva
Become Not What You Fight
Imagine something for a moment. Someone coming up to you, and saying they have been raped. What do you do?Seriously, think about it for a moment. Because the world is demanding you have an answer these days. Even though you weren't a party to this heinous act, you may very well be held accountable for your reaction. Especially if you are a man. You may have heard this reasoning quite often when women are asked about why they didn't do more, or why they didn't come forward. At some point, it seems to be one of the answers or reasons - other people didn't do enough. And it's a defense people will use quite often as well in discussions about destroying rape culture - other people have to do more. Do something. Do anything. So, what do you do? Or better yet - what CAN you do? Because that seems to be something nobody wants to bother answering, or addressing. It's simply a hive mind response much of the time - "Men should do more. Other people should do more. DO. MORE." As if the onus of bringing rapists to justice largely falls on the shoulders of anyone BUT the victim. Let me be clear here - rape is despicable. I personally believe that anyone who commits this act, should spend the rest of their days behind bars, because their victim is certainly going to have to live with the trauma of it until the day they die. But, and I know this is becoming rather a taboo thing to mention these days - the victim IS the one who has the most power to do something about it! And they SHOULD. Other people can certainly help, and they should too. But other people are limited in what we can do to actually help. We can't go to the police for you, we can't give statements on your behalf of what happened, we can't take rape kit tests for you, we can't go to trial on your behalf and stand up there and give your story to a jury. And ultimately - we cannot make you take back the power to be brave, and to stand up and say "I will NOT let this go."And most importantly - we cannot blindly believe you when you say someone has raped you, or sexually harassed you. I'm sorry, but we cannot. No more than we could blindly believe that someone robbed you, or stole your car, or took your lunch, or tripped you, or shoved you against a wall, or gave you a black eye, or shot you...literally ANYTHING that you could otherwise claim someone else did to you. This seems to be the crux of the problem - people seem to think we should believe accusers right off the bat, and condemn men accused because rape culture is a thing, and to hell with due process, fair trails, or a justice system. Because those have failed so many women in the past. So now you ABSOLUTELY must believe anyone who accuses someone of rape, sexual assault, harassment, and if you don't, you're part of the problem. This is asinine. Pure and simple. I agree, due process, trials, and the justice system, in general, has failed FAR too many women, and men, in the past when it comes to getting justice for their assaults, their rapes, their harassment. But we can't start lynching people for not "doing enough". You can't start blaming everyone else for what happened to you, or for the fact that you were too scared to come forward. If you weren't believed, you can't blame those who weren't part of whoever didn't believe you for that. And when I say believe, again, I do not mean they should automatically agree with you that what you say happened, happened. There has to be due process, there has to be fair trials. So...what can WE do, and what can YOU do if you've been a victim of rape?WE can be there to support you emotionally. WE can help your voice be heard if people refuse to take your allegations seriously. WE can demand answers for you if rape kits aren't being processed. WE can help you, if possible, gather evidence and build a case as best as possible. But please keep in mind we do not live in a fully fair and just world, I'm sorry to say. There are people who rob, cheat, steal, murder every day who get away with it. Many of them may ultimately be brought to justice, but that's not always the case. It may not be the case for you. But please - DO NOT let that stop you. YOU can report what has been done to you to proper authorities, YOU can hold them accountable if they refuse to listen to you or try and make it seem like it was your fault or that you didn't do enough, YOU can be brave, and stand up to someone who tried to take your life, your voice, your will away. It won't be easy. In fact, it will probably be hard, emotionally devastating, perhaps even soul-crushing. But if you don't do everything in your power, we can't help you. If you falter, everyone around you loses what power they have to assist you. Much of it is, unfortunately, on YOUR shoulders. Because YOU are the victim. And YOU are the one who has to take your life back. Take YOUR voice back. Take YOUR strength back. We can't believe you outright, but it doesn't mean we have to dismiss what you say either. It can, and SHOULD be taken seriously. But like any other accusation of crime, people are innocent until proven guilty. Please, PLEASE keep that in mind.
By Devin Cobalt8 years ago in Viva
Who We Are
It's almost 2018 and our voices are still not being heard. In a man-made world, we are still silent. Now from my experience, I have been through two of these situations. As a young woman, I am taught that my body is sacred. For it to be sacred though, I need to change this and that about my body. Be aware of my personality and say what they want me to say. We have grown up in an epidemic where social media has raised us. Women hide so much of their true self that when we try to identify who we really are, we just can't. My first relationship was in high school. In my mind, he was everything I wanted. But like most young men, they have something hidden and painful. Who doesn't have that though, at an age where everything is confusing? Anyways, it seemed like I always learned to take care of his needs before my own. In my mind I just thought I was being a great girlfriend but to him, it's the word submissive. He was the reason that I feared the things I use to love. In a world that already seems damaged, the plunge to hell was coming quicker. I was the girl who lied my way for him. I'd runaway to be with him yet runaway to be far from him. I'd tell friends that I had fallen or was just clumsy. I became distant to people who had always been there for me. I wasn't living my life anymore. When we broke up, I felt even lower. My bipolar disorder became intensified, the PTSD was settling hard in my thoughts and I just remember my life being blurry. He stalked me for a year. A freaking year of constant torture. "I love you, no wait I hate you." Back and forth we were with each other. I had to repair relations that I figured were damaged. I had really good friends at the time who helped me figure myself out again. Then I met my longest relationship to date. He was someone I met through my first and I wish I could of seen the signs. Now let me tell you, the ex did some damage to my mind mentally that I experienced drugs and became an addict to deal with the pain. I felt like he stole a part of my youth that I just needed to get back. So, partying, staying out late, drinking and getting high to let time go by. Yeah; that was my life for a bit until I met J. J seemed like he cared on a deeper level. We had a serious connection and we went through a lot together. Again, I was submissive with him. I tried pushing him to do better and want to be better. This just led me back to the same path of pain that I was trying to get rid of. I damaged relationships all over again, we were both full blown addicts, homeless a few times and everything you could imagine happened. He was my devil on both shoulders. The night he choked me to a point where I could of passed out made me question myself and why I would want to keep going through this. I eventually made a plan to get him out of my life but I'm still working on myself. I learned in my own experience that both my abusers were troubled teens. Someone had let them down and couldn't lift them back up. It is so hard for a young adult to face reality and then have society tell you it is your fault. You don't hear enough about the truth. Did you know 85% of women are more likely to be victims to domestic abuse than men? Scary thought right? That is someone's mother, daughter, niece, aunt, and friend. For the abuser, every 20 minutes you have laid physical abuse on a woman, have chosen 1 out 7 to stalk immensely. YOU became the 19% who used a weapon for fear. YOU, have impacted someone's physical and mental health. And more than half of them are 6ft under because you had issues and used it on them. ME, I wish there was more talk about what to do when you are in this type of relationship. I wish there was a better handle of this and more women would speak up for their selves. If you can't speak for yourself, speak out for the younger generation who looks up to you. Don't let them think that hiding a problem is a way of solving it. Don't let them think abuse and bullying, is a way of affection cause it's not. It takes 30 seconds to let someone know you are hurting and in danger. Don't let it be too late. Don't fake your own life to please someone else.
By Katlyn Jackson8 years ago in Viva
6 Reasons Why Cutting Off All My Hair Made Me Happier
Almost four years ago, I marched into my local hair salon armed with a sense of reckless confidence. I sat down and resolutely asked the stylist to cut off all my hair – clicking through a slideshow of sample pictures I’d saved from the Internet – to which she replied, “How long have you thought about this?”
By Carissa Joy Johnson8 years ago in Viva
Don't Ask Me When I'm Having a Baby
It is automatically assumed that when a woman enters her early twenties that she would be trying for a baby. And if she hasn't given birth or hinted at having a family by the time she is 25, something must be terribly wrong. In my own experience, older family members seem to think it is perfectly acceptable to ask you when you're going to have a baby every single time you see them.
By Jenna Edwards8 years ago in Viva
#MeToo. Top Story - November 2017.
There’s this hashtag going around Facebook recently - you might have seen it? It goes like this: "If all the women/femme aligned folks who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote "#MeToo” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem."
By Kate Nichols8 years ago in Viva
What to Know About Permanent Birth Control for Women
It is important to know that you have options when it comes to permanent birth control procedures. This process can seem intimidating without knowing all of the details. And this is why it is crucial to know what to expect, how your recovery process will go, and what is best for your body. Your local women's health organization will always be of great help in your process, as well.
By Sherry Campbell8 years ago in Viva
Comfort of Darkness
Darkness. It’s comfortable. I’ve hidden in it since I can remember, like delving into a cool black lake and submerging my head beneath the water, disappearing from reality. It stings my skin and makes me feel alive. Refreshed. To everyone around me, I am still invisible. I am safe, now. No more of that, no sir. I’ll probably have to go to the diner soon, to meet her, but I don’t want to. Little sister doesn’t understand me because she’s had a perfect life. After all these years, she loves to make damn sure I know it. She left me by myself that night, after we promised to always be there for each other. All that talk about sex — she loves it.
By Nadia Zielinska8 years ago in Viva
Of Course Men and Women Can Be 'Just Friends'
“Can men and women really be 'just friends?' Asking for a friend...” The Facebook page for the website SoulPancake.com decided to throw some chum in the water of the ongoing gender conversation by sarcastically asking if men and women can really be ‘Just Friends.’ I get what they are trying to do, kick up some social media dust for some action on their Facebook page. That said, the social media team for SoulPancake.com might want to read the room a little before they get cute with the traffic friendly cheapies. The question of whether men and women can be "just friends" is much more of a hot button than they seem to think.
By Sean Patrick8 years ago in Viva
#metoo: Thoughts for the Men We Love
I am really looking forward to the day when I don't first need to preface this post by saying I understand a lot of readers may not necessarily agree with this, and that clearly I am not casting all men into a pit of shame and blame. I'd really like to not need to remind the men who I love dearly that I do not see them all as mainstream jerks who've ruined my, or other women's lives.
By Katie Froese8 years ago in Viva
