Ash

Joined February 2021

45 stories

Bio

Hello there! I'm ashl I love writing poetry, the main source to express the inside onto the outside, or essays as a conversation between you and me in order to hear myself better at times.

Stories (45)

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feeling love
I've quickly become aware of the fact that while I know what love is and I am aware that I have it in my life, I don't allow myself to truly feel it.
By Ash4 years ago in Humans
I choose me
I have never felt at any point in my life that I have ever done anything for myself. The other day I was feeling as if I was doing something wrong because I knew it was upsetting other people and I got caught up in this inner turmoil because I hate letting people down; until I realized I hate letting people down, but I constantly disappoint myself. I never take care of myself or what I want out of my own life. I would bend over backward for people and leave my own plans in the dust.
By Ash4 years ago in Humans
doubting myself
I find it hard to become who I want to be because I am constantly gas lighting myself with negative thought pattern. I am fearful of what I could be and just how hard and bad I can fail at being myself. I have never allowed myself to dream up the possibility of having the power to create my reality, because I've never felt as if I had the power or resources to achieve what I wanted. Even though I was the only resource I needed, I let doubt fester deep and make its root system in my body.
By Ash4 years ago in Psyche
for argument's sake,
I mean what if there was? maybe these struggles are more than ourselves, not self-given. or maybe they are and we morph from angel to demon as we please and take the consequence of each.
By Ash4 years ago in Poets
get sick of your shit
How many times have you tried to restart? I mean we all at least try once a year to restart and reinvent our lives, that is basically the whole purpose of new Year isn't it? only we also know that it's a week-long phenomenon. All of us posting everywhere that this really is the year! the year we finally get it all together, which then leads to another year of the same things just slightly different to make us believe we are changing ourselves, and then December rolls around and we all shout in excitement time to pretend like we are getting ourselves together again!
By Ash4 years ago in Motivation
where have I been
I’m sitting here dumbfounded and numb and the only thing of condolence I get is that I am the older one now. As if I haven’t been trying to learn how to be an older sister for years now, no one ever tells you how to be the second oldest. I’ve been playing the role of little sister for so long I can’t figure out the older from the younger.
By Ash4 years ago in Poets
just let go
My family was never a broken family and I'll never claim to have come from a broken home; because it wasn't, it just had abuse mixed with a spoonful of honey to make it less bitter. Threats, insults, beatings nearly every single day, but that only happens behind closed doors and closed curtains. Out in the open, to the rest of our family and other people, we were the family that goes out together and "stays together".
By Ash4 years ago in Motivation
Fear
maybe I don’t feel fearful, but inadequate. I’m not scared of what you’ll say but what I can do. maybe I’m not scared I’ll fail but I’m scared of successful responsibility and how it would look to fail at that.
By Ash5 years ago in Poets
guilt trip
Guilt is the hardest to get rid of from ourselves while healing. When you’ve been conditioned to not respond the way you properly feel, we bind ourselves to something that is not real; and when it's time and we feel safe enough to come out of what we have held ourselves in, we end up realizing that a lot of people have to go. A lot of our healing is tied with the ability to be able to first feel and acknowledge everything done to us and things we've done to others and then comes the part of releasing everything that does not serve us and putting to work everything that does. Pain is meant to work for us and up until we stop working for it, it will continue to use us up.
By Ash5 years ago in Humans

Ash

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Stories .css-1svwz57-Text{display:inline-block;color:var(--text-default-mute);}(45)

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feeling love

I choose me

doubting myself

for argument's sake,

get sick of your shit

where have I been

just let go

Fear

guilt trip

Stories (45)