Satire

I Will Fix Everything
Thank you for coming today. It’s great to see all you guys in press pool. Even you, Tucker. How’s your head from last night? Too much of the good stuff, huh? I have some very important news about policies that we’ll be implementing. But first, I will confirm that I will not be seeking a fourth term. I know, I know, we’ve had a wonderful time these past eight years but, to be honest, I know I’m getting older and I don’t get to golf nearly as much as I would like. No one thought I would get a third term, kept saying it was unconstitutional, well we showed them. Just like with that birthright citizenship thing. Never should have been in there, don’t know what those guys were thinking or drinking. You know what I mean? Anyway. I know that I’ll be leaving this country in good hands. Sure, sure, there’s an election later, but really, who doesn’t want four more years of this administration? And who’s going to vote against such an amazing man as our Vice President, Vladamir Putin? He was great, really helped get my agenda through this past term. Wonderful guy. JD was nice, too, but Putin really showed us what could get done. Such a patriot to take a step back from running his own country to help fix ours. And who knew that he’d been born on an American Military Base. Such an amazing story. Did you see that documentary? So real. What was that? You still want to see his birth certificate? Why would you ask that? That’s just rude. You saw the documentary. Then you know there was a fire on the base. Don’t ask stupid questions. Take that guy’s pass after this. He doesn’t need to be in the room. Anyway, the real reason I’m here is to announce a new policy that is going to revolutionize our country and finally fix our broken Social Security and Medicaid system. I am going to fix everything!
By Sean A.11 months ago in Humor
Performance . Runner-Up in Absurdist Awakening Challenge.
‘Take a seat, Mr Bellewether; I’ll be with you in a moment.’ Alan shuffles over uncertainly to his manager’s desk and pulls out a chair. In the twelve months he has worked at The Office of National Statistics, he has never been addressed by his surname. Was it a tacit admonition? Or maybe a recognition of seniority, a nod at a promotion?
By T. McCormack11 months ago in Humor
Monty Python and the Holy Grail . Top Story - March 2025.
I woke up this morning to one and one-half hours of glorious, old-fashioned comedy sketches from Monty Python. I'm probably feeling a little too glum to write a review of it right now, so let me inform you that this review is, in fact, NOT an actual review, but an approximation of what sort of review I might write if writing a review were what I had in mind. It isn’t, and this is not, and well, I’m still here, and so are you.
By Tom Baker11 months ago in Humor
Immersive Art
Unlocking my front door, I entered my apartment and slammed the door as hard as I could. I was sent home early from work because I was placed on administrative leave for the third time this year, and it was only March. Well, at least it was still with pay, but one more infraction for whatever reason this quarter, and human resources told me they’d have to terminate my employment. To say I was pissed was an understatement, though.
By Mother Combs11 months ago in Humor
My Cat Thinks I Work for Her: A Day in My Servitude
Introduction: If you've ever lived with a cat, you know that they own you rather than you own them. As a proud but slightly defeated servant to my feline overlord, Whiskers, I have learned to accept that my life revolves around her needs, whims, and demands. The more I try to establish dominance, the more I realize I’m merely a background character in her kingdom. This is the tale of my daily life, filled with humor, frustration, and an overwhelming sense of inferiority to a creature that weighs barely more than a bag of flour.
By Afia Sikder11 months ago in Humor
I Tried Meditation and Fell Asleep
Introduction The goal of meditation is to bring inner peace, clarity, and insight. But for me, it just brought deep, uninterrupted sleep. When I first decided to try meditation, I had high hopes that I would become more mindful, have less stress, and maybe even discover some of my own wisdom. I, on the other hand, kept drifting off into dreamland. At first, I thought I was doing something wrong. However, it turned out that my unintentional nap gave me a completely new perspective on meditation, relaxation, and what it really means to be mindful. The Decision to Meditate
By Afia Sikder11 months ago in Humor
Cardio, Chaos, and Crippling Regret
I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it was the motivational post I scrolled past on Instagram—some chipper fitness guru beaming as she did lunges in a sunlit park. Maybe it was the way my cat looked at me that morning, as if questioning my entire life’s commitment to physical activity.
By Tesie Mills11 months ago in Humor
Life on Earth
“There’s life on Earth,” I say. And instantly regret it. The room goes feral. An Elder gasps so hard his lung almost escapes like a bat out of hell. Another clutches his chest, as if I just slapped him with the raw, wet fish of truth. Someone in the back actually faints—which is impressive, considering our blood is basically mist and anxiety.
By Iris Obscura11 months ago in Humor
The Dragon
“What do we want!” “A dead Dragon!” “When do we want it?” “Once an agreeable and equitable resolution on how to kill it presents itself!”
By Matthew J. Fromm11 months ago in Humor
The Garbage Chute Incident
Ted’s day had been perfectly ordinary up until the moment he threw the trash bag down the garbage chute. He had done this countless times before—open the metal hatch, toss, listen for the distant thud below— you can hear everything from the second floor. Simple. Routine. Nothing remarkable.
By Ashley Ball11 months ago in Humor
Free Market Man Returns. Top Story - March 2025.
Listen to the audio version on Spotify (starts at 6:05): (Available on all major platforms—full list) *** Fresh from his battle with the Bureaucracy Brothers, Free Market Man patrols the skies over America, the shining city built on a hill of U.S. dollars (and a few dead laborers).
By Stephen A. Roddewig11 months ago in Humor
Rat City
It had been an unusually warm summer, all summers seemed like that now. The rat trouble started when the garbage men went on strike, causing the whole city to overflow with garbage, rotten food sitting on benches in the sun and bags of trash outside, creating a stench no one could escape. First, the seagulls came swooping in, thicker and more aggressive than ever. Then, the rats came as the Bible once foretold.
By Dark Constellations11 months ago in Humor