anxiety
A look at anxiety in its many forms and manifestations; what is the nature of this specific pattern of extreme fear and worry?
An Anxious Life
My mother told me that the earliest she noticed my anxiety was when I was just four years old. I was so small, yet so irrationally afraid. I do not remember my anxiety back then, but I do remember it in the third grade. The fourth grade. The fifth grade. The sixth grade (where it got completely out of control). The seventh grade, where I couldn't get out of bed. It followed me throughout high school, I switched on and off anti-anxiety medication and anti-depressants, had countless doctor's visits, and yet I am in University now and still struggling. Anxiety is not something that magically goes away one day. I know for a fact that I will struggle with anxiety for the rest of my life. It is debilitating, and frustrating, and so painful, but I know I am capable of pushing through. For me, anxiety is not being able to breathe. It is a pounding in my chest and the weight of a thousand pounds on top of me. It is sweaty palms, red skin, bleeding thumbs, picked at skin. It is crying in the bathroom at school, in my car, in public. It is embarrassing, it causes me to miss class, hyperventilate around strangers. I wish there was a cure. I hate that in moments when I should be doing nothing but enjoying myself, I am panicked and anxious and so angry at myself. What bugs me most is that I tend to become anxious in moments I didn't even feel were uncomfortable to me. I am angry that during my time off of school, where nothing should stress me out, that I have crushing anxiety while watching a movie with my family. It makes me feel alone, even when I am in a room of people. I am supported by the people in my life, and they say they understand what I go through, but sometimes I just want to scream. I want to rip my hair out and silence the noise. I have gotten on new medication, which seems to be calming things down a little bit, I have gotten into yoga, I meditate, and I have been trying to get more sleep. It sounds cheesy and annoying, but exercising has started to make my head feel a little clearer. Maybe one day I can run or stretch enough to shake the anxiety straight out of my body. Until then, I am going to breathe, believe in myself, and take one day at a time.
By Lauren Stafford6 years ago in Psyche
Six Steps to Light: Overcoming Acute Panic Disorder
My dog, KOKO, is very well-behaved and lovable but also anti-social. When she sees another dog on a leash, her light brown hair from neck to tail stands on end, giving the appearance of turning dark. She becomes highly-agitated and begins to bark.
By Joel Eisenberg6 years ago in Psyche
The Night is Dark and Full of Panic
Sometimes you forget how to breath. Sometimes you shake so bad you have to use two hands to drink a glass of water. Sometimes you forget how to speak and you stutter. Sometimes you feel the whole world is literally on your shoulders and it's all pressing you down. And sometimes you think you are such a mess that everyone can tell that you are panicking and it makes you panic more. It's a shaking in your chest that isn't really diagnosable. It's a jitter in the hands when you are uncomfortable. It's the butterfly in your stomach that has nothing to do with your soul mate. Its feeling alone when you are surrounded by those you love. Anxiety eats away at everything. Every thought, every movement, every interaction. I'm confident on the outside, I am the I don't care what you think I am living MY life person. But on the inside, more often than not, I am living in a hurricane. My thoughts are 90 mph winds, my feelings the swelling ocean. I am a wreck. But. Put on a strong face and don't let anyone know. Because that would be showing weakness and letting people know there is something different about you. Your family will worry because they don't quite understand the feeling, or have been thought to just deal. And it's just trying to get through the day till you can come home to an absolute safe place. Its handling your business, while trying not to literally shake apart. And the worst of all, as I mentioned before. Is the absolute aloneness you feel in all of this. You can have a spouse who goes through the same things, or is empathetic to your feelings. But at the end of the day, it's you. It's you fighting these issues. It's you learning to smile through the storm and make everyone believe you're not completely broken down inside. Because "it'll pass" , "just be happier", "you're just being dramatic". There are some people who will ask "What's wrong, how can I fix this?" And while that helps, it still makes you feel broken. Anxiety is a parasite. It pulls little bits from you everyday. And yes you can fight to get those pieces back, but when are you just done? When is it too much to fight everyday to not feel lonely, or scared, or like the worst human on this earth? And it doesn't drive you to suicide, because then you get anxiety about leaving those you love behind. But it drives you to nothingness, which is almost worse. It puts you into a depression that even if you didn't have depression is hard to get out of. And you know what sucks the most? It's the absolute panic of it all, because what if my anxiety causes me to lose, or miss, or forget, or just not be able to care because I am dealing with too much inside? I don't know why "God", or who ever you believe in, made this a thing. Scientists will say it's just a chemical imbalance. But I say it's an unfair human condition that no normal working brain should have. So why do so many of us suffer from it? And why do I feel so alone because of it? Am I broken, am I lost, am I just a misprint in the human species? The only answer I have for any of those questions is, I don't know and all I can do is keep pushing on. And breaking through the panic. Because at the end of the day, I am a pet mom, a wife, and a loved daughter, sister, and friend. And they make this life worth living. Even with the uneasiness I feel pretty much every day, I can't leave them behind. This life isn't fair, it's not fair I battle this. But life rarely is fair. So I guess let's go.
By Kelly Sapien6 years ago in Psyche
Anxiety
I get asked regularly what it’s like to live with anxiety and despite how much I try to explain it there simply is no short answer. Anxiety is not the same in every person, it is also not the same everyday, every hour, every minute and every second. I have been living alongside my anxiety for years so I can’t remember a time where I was living without it. My anxiety is such an essential role in my life and when I get asked “What is it like living with anxiety?” my first thought is always ‘ I don’t know, it’s the same as I’ve always lived’ which can be a bit confusing at times even for me.
By Ashley Ramos6 years ago in Psyche
AnXiEtY
Growing up is inevitable, there is absolutely no way around it. Unfortunately there are many obstacles thrown at us as we grow - although these aren't always bad they're usually thrown at us for learning experiences. There are many nights that I catch myself hiding out in my room after a long day of work, or school - for me, these are obstacles. Sometimes I'll spend a whole day in my room, barely leaving or interacting with a house full of people. For me, after a day of forced interaction with people - I need some time to myself to rejuvenate. There are days that I feel really good, but my anxiety is always with me.
By Shay Gross6 years ago in Psyche
